


Phases of Life

by totescraycrayconconbonbon



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 1940s era, BAMF Tony Stark, But kind of, Female Tony Stark, Female!Tony Stark, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Time Travel, Time Travel AU, female!Tony, howard stark is a good bro, kind of, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-09-28 23:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 39,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20433989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totescraycrayconconbonbon/pseuds/totescraycrayconconbonbon
Summary: Toni Stark snapped her fingers to defeat Thanos, knowing she'd die. That she does, too. What she didn't expect was to be reborn as Howard Stark's little sister in 1919. She'll face a lot of trials, but you know what they say.“Well, a great man once said that Starks are made of iron. I’ll just have to prove him correct, now won’t I?”The four Starks smirk at each other and Toni is bolstered with a stronger confidence than she’s ever felt.





	1. And Now We Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> I am so fucking excited to be writing my very first MCU fanfiction holy fuckin hell bois. I fuckin stan female!Tony for some reason, so Toni it is! I'm also a slut for some good ole' wholesome ass Pre-Serum Steve romance! Especially with Toni!
> 
> I do not own anything associated with Marvel or Marvel itself.

“And I… am Iron Maiden,” Toni declares, snapping her fingers through the pain of the infinity stones’ power racing inside her body. 

Rhodey, her best friend Rhodey…

Peter, oh Petey boy, the kid, _her_ kid…__

_ __ _

_ __ _

Pepper, Pepper and Morgan, her entire life… 

Black invades her vision and she glances her wife’s beautiful face one last time before she succumbs.

Oblivion is prevalent for a good few moments before blinding white fizzles across the whole world, and Toni’s suddenly staring into the eyes of the woman holding her. 

_ A woman is holding me. I’m tiny… a baby? Yes, I’m a baby, okay, cool. Reincarnation is the way to go, I guess. _

The woman is cooing at her, and Toni can’t help but stare at her. She’s so familiar, so comfortable, so safe. Who on Earth is she?

“Alice, sweetie, what should we name our gorgeous girl?” A male voice dances across the room, a playful affection rooted deep in his baritone. Toni’s eyes snap to him and his warm smile widens. He is holding a toddler, a boy, with the woman’s warm copper eyes and the man’s deep brown hair. 

“Antoinette for my mother,” Alice, her mother, Toni supposes, answers, a tired but loving smile stretching across her face. She’s pale with freckles splashed across her nose, her blonde hair falling into her copper eyes.“And Alice for me,” she continues, her smile turning into a playful smirk aimed at her husband, Toni’s father. 

“Antoinette,” he breathes, chocolate eyes shining with love and pride. “Born on October 14th, 1919.” He shakes his head with a smile and moves forward, reaching his hand down to rub a finger down Toni’s cheek. She leans into it and coos form the overwhelming safety and love she’s being coddled with.

“Howard, darling boy, this is your baby sister, Annie,” Alice introduces her to her brother… Howard. Huh, what are the odds?

_ Wait._

Howard. Alice. Alice was Toni’s paternal grandmother’s name. The man who is now her father looks an awful lot like her old father. 

_ Holy fuck, I’m my dad’s sister.___

_ __ _

_ __ _

Looking to her father… older brother? He is looking at her with curiosity, the hand not in his mouth stretching for her. Almost in a trance, Toni flails back until her baby hand latches onto his. They connect and Toni is overcome with a barrage of emotions too intense for her new tiny baby body. She yawns and lets go of Howard’s hand, turning into her mother’s soft arms and burrowing until she’s asleep. 

For about two seconds, that is. 

“Antoinette Alice Stark,” A voice calls from the darkness beyond her closed eyes. She’s standing? Oh, she’s an adult again. Thank fuck.

Opening her eyes to the seeming oblivion surrounding her, Toni can’t help but be a little relieved. That was all a dream. Cool. She can’t imagine growing up in the early 1900s. A shudder wracks her frame before six figures step from the darkness. 

They are all similar in form. Tall, broad, and thoroughly androgenous. No discernable facial features were to be seen, but this, for some reason, did not unsettle Toni as it usually would. The only difference between the six figures is that each of them emit a faint glow of color unique to themselves. Green, orange, purple, blue, yellow, and red. 

Without too much thought, Toni knows that she is somehow meeting personifications of the infinity stones. 

“Antoinette Alice Stark,” Soul steps forward bowing their orange head to Toni.

“Not my name, but hello,” Toni replies, none too respectfully. 

“But it is your name, young one,” Space steps forward, bowing their blue head at Toni in a similar manner to Soul. 

“Now, at least,” Time greets Toni in uniform with their compatriots. The rest quickly follow suit, bowing their heads to Toni in a sign of respect for a reason she cannot comprehend. 

Toni’s heart sinks down her chest and settles heavily in her stomach. “So I was right? I’ve been reincarnated? As my _Father’s sister_?” Toni hisses out in a surface level anger to cover how conflicted she truly is. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

On the one hand, she’s made her peace with her father. It would be nice to have the chance of a somewhat healthy relationship with him, even if it is as his sister. On the other hand, Toni is so tired and the thought of living an entire second life is unappealing from most angles. 

“Yes. You wielded us effectively in your home universe, Antoinette. Your time as Antonia Maria Stark has passed, as her body did when you wielded us. Your soul, however, has moved on to a new identity. A Phase 2, you could say,” Reality, despite lacking facial features or inflection in their voice, came across vaguely amused.

This, Toni did not appreciate. 

“Phase 2? As a new person? How many people get this end of the deal, hot shots?” she asks, tired with this discussion already. 

Power flexes, their purple glow intensifying for a moment, clearly irritated with Toni’s disrespect. 

“Not many, Antoinette Alice Stark. You were destined to wield us in your home universe, just like you are destined to live out a life as Antoinette Alice Stark, events… confidential as of right now,” Soul also finds this amusing, and Toni’s anger is growing. 

“So… you keep saying home universe. Since I didn’t have an Aunt Antoinette, I’m guessing I’m not going to be living through the same events this time around. I have my dad, but… will I have anyone else from my life? My wife? My kids? My friends?” Toni’s anger boils hotter, thinking further into her current situation. 

“Yes, young one, you are in a different universe. The soul cannot exist more than once in any particular universe.”

“We will not be revealing any happenings or relationships that will be formed in this life, however. Those are for you to live out yourself, child.”

“I will say, however, that the soul knows who it is familiar with. If you are to meet those you’ve known, you will likely be drawn to them.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Toni interrupts, “I thought you said I was special? I’ll not have met any other souls, surely, if they’re all unique to their universes and I am new to this universe?”

“You misunderstand us, child. Your soul is special because you bounce between two identities. Most souls are restricted to one identity that is present in many universes. For example, in every universe in which he exists, your father is Howard Stark. Gender may vary.”

“You, young one, exist as either Antoinette or Antonia Stark in the universes of which you are apart. Never as both- only one can exist per universe.”

“So… do I get this meeting between each of my lives or what?” Toni’s temper has died down to annoyance. 

“No, you do not,” Power finally speaks up, their anger palpable through their aura. 

“These two lives in particular are simply linked, in a way. There will come a point in Phase 2 that Phase 1 will be remembered by you, your soul,” Soul steps in, cooling Power’s anger. 

“Oh thank God, I won’t remember that Howard is my father my whole life as his sister?” Toni can’t help but be supremely relieved at this upwards turn in events. 

“No, you silly child, you will not. The two lives are separate. You will be different in this life. Still a genius, admittedly, but different. Different people, different paths, different decisions. Granted, not everything will be different. Your soul has a few persistent qualities, as so most souls. But fear not. You will in no way remember being Antonia Maria Stark for a long while into being Antoinette.”

“At least I’ll still be a genius… Is this setting me up for heartbreak?” Toni is hesitant, but bordering on desperate in tone. 

“How do you mean, child?”

“When I remember my life as Antonia, will I be attached to it in any way? Will I be conflicted when I remember the intense love I hold for Pepper? Rhodey? My kids? Will I bitterly long for the life I once lived? Will I be forced to confront that I’ll never have them in the same way?” Toni voices her fears with little shame. 

“This has happened with few other souls in the history of our existence, child. When their memories were awakened, they were but a memory for the souls. Fond memories, yes, but detached in a way. You will be safe from such heartache.” Mind assures Toni.

Toni feels sick with the guilt bubbling in her gut in response to the sweeping wave of relief that whooshes through her body.

“Antoinette Alice Stark. This is the only time you will get to speak with us on the matter of your Phases. You will remember Phase 1 and this conversation at some point, but that will be all you get. No more visits from us. Do you have any more questions before we release you from your slumber?” Power speaks up, anger seemingly dissipated. 

“Yes, I have one more question,” Toni continues at Space’s nod of acknowledgement. “Why will I even remember Phase 1? That seems like something that is a fuck up, not a deliberate decision.”

“Your experiences and acquired knowledge in Phase 1 will be relevant to your life in Phase 2. Necessary, even. Dr. Stephen Strange didn’t get around to this universe when he checked the 14 million, you know,” Soul’s cheeky comment sends Toni to the brink of panic.

“Wait- this has to do with fucking Tha-”

And Antonia knows no more, shifting soundly into the infant body of Antoinette Alice Stark.


	2. Starks Are Made of Iron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see a bit of Toni's childhood!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright bois, back for some more! I have done my best to keep the story and dialogue fairly 20s and 30s, so I hope I succeeded well enough!
> 
> I do not own anything associated with Marvel or Marvel itself.

Chapter Two: Starks Are Made of Iron

“Good Lord, Walter, we gave birth to two geniuses,” Alice gasps, watching Toni easily complete Howard’s old math workbooks while she finishes mending a client’s shirt. Howard sits next to her, breezing through his current workbooks with the same ease Toni seems to be experiencing. 

“It’s easy, mama!” Toni assures her mother, not aware that a three year old shouldn’t be able to do what she can do. 

“You’re doing a marvelous job, Annie,” Alice soothes Toni, smoothing her dark brown curls back and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“That we did, darling,” Walter boasts, scooping Howard up in one arm, Toni in the other. Both of the children squeal, laughing wildly as their father flops around, smelling of sweet apples and juicy peaches. 

“They’re already making us proud,” Walter, presses kisses to his children’s faces, furthering their giggle fest.

“That they are,” Alice agrees, joining the fray with tickling fingers.

* * *

“Hello, my name is Antoinette Stark. My family calls me Annie, but I’ve always preferred Toni. I really like math and science, and am looking forward to learning as much as I can.” Toni finishes with a large smile, beaming at her fellow classmates on her first day of school. She adjusts her blue dress and looks to her teacher for further instruction. 

The teacher ushers Toni back to her chair, allowing the next student to introduce themselves at the front of the classroom.

After about twenty minutes of introductions, they are ready to begin learning. Toni perks up at her desk, an excited smile stretching across her face. 

_ Yes! And my education begins! _

Toni, however, is soon crestfallen. She already knows all of this! She had already worked through all of Howard’s old workbooks and it seems that they haven’t updated curriculum in the past two years. Toni slumps in her seat, but vows to visit the library soon to see what books she can borrow.

* * *

“They were so mean, Papa, I just don’t understand!” Toni cries in her father’s arms after a particularly rough day at school.

“You’re special, Darling. Smart in a way they’ve never seen. Kids get jealous very easily and can lash out in anger when they don’t understand what they’re feeling,” Papa explains to Toni, tone patient but eyes sad. 

“But the teacher is the same way! She snaps at me when I answer her questions and glares at me when I read quietly!” Toni complains with tears streaming from her eyes.

“Oh, Baby. I’ll have words with your teacher, you better believe that. But in the meantime, let me share a bit of wisdom my father shared with me when I faced my own bullies, alright?” Papa life Toni off of his lap and sets her down on the floor, crouching down until he’s face level with her.

He reaches up to wipe her remaining tears away then guides her face till their eyes are locked. 

“Life can throw a lot at you. You might not be prepared for all of it, but one thing will always ring true: Starks are made of iron.”

Toni stiffens her upper lip and nods with determination.

“Starks are made of iron,” she repeats in the strongest voice she can muster.

* * *

“Dear? Is everything all right?”

Toni looks up and hastily wipes her tears, not wanting the kind librarian to see her so miserable.

“Yes, Mrs. Stevenson, everything is dandy. I was just reading this physics book. Real interesting stuff,” Toni sniffs, tilting her head down and into the book. 

“You know, honey,” Mrs. Stevenson bends until she’s seated next to Toni on the floor, “that’s some really advanced material you’re reading. Do you understand it all?” she asks, tilting her head to the side and studying Toni.

“Yes, I do,” Toni confirms, curling up, expecting the same insults and scoldings she gets from her classmates and teachers.

“Then you must be an incredibly smart girl,” Mrs. Stevenson smiles at Toni, leaning down to bump shoulders with the 7 year old. 

Toni gapes up at the librarian, mouth opening and closing as she searches for the correct words.

“A lot of people don’t know how to handle a powerful girl, Toni. You thirst for knowledge and absorb it quicker than most. I’ve seen you in here, most days, for the past two years. The titles you put under your belt get more and more advanced every time I see you. Don’t hide from your intelligence, child. Don’t be ashamed of it or wary of it. It is a gift not to be taken lightly. Others might not see it that way. But your opinion is the only opinion that matters when it comes to this, Toni. Listen not to what the others have to say.” Mrs. Stevenson stands, smiling down at the still gaping Toni.

“Maybe actually go to recess every now and then, too. Even a genius needs friends,” She winks and moves back to the front of the library, leaving Toni with her words of wisdom.

_ Starks are made of iron. What do those bullies know anyway? _

Toni smiles and reopens the Physics book to pick up where she left off.

* * *

“Howie! Howie! C’mon, Mama and Papa are gonna sing tonight!” Toni calls, racing through their small house to find wherever Howard’s doing his homework.

“Truly?” He comes flying around the corner, colliding with Toni. They fall to the ground, laughing and wiggling around. 

“Yes! Mama finished a poem yesterday, and her and Papa are gonna perform for us!” she gasps, hauling Howard to his feet and dragging him to the tiny living room where they fall onto the couch and wait for their parents to put on their show.

A few moments after they’ve settled down, their father pops out of the bedroom, a luscious feather boa wrapped around his neck and lipstick smeared onto his lips. 

Toni and Howard lose it, laughing and clapping wildly for their father.

“Thank you, thank you, what a lovely audience we have tonight,” he flips imaginary hair over his shoulder and points to the door from which he had appeared and their mother appears, wearing a derby hat, one of their father’s suit jackets and a drawn on mustache. 

Toni and Howard once again laugh and cheer loudly, already enjoying the performance. 

“Ah, yes, darlings, we haven’t had such a warm welcome in quite some time,” their mother bowed at the waist and held out her hand for their father, who grabbed it and spun into his much shorter wife’s embrace.

“The lovely Alice has titled this number “Timeless and True”, a tale of two people finding love in quiet ways.”

Their father began, his smooth baritone crooning out sweet words of love and light, leaning further into their mother’s embrace. Her head popped out from around his shoulder and her clear soprano mixed with his voice, her own words pouring like honey from her mouth. 

Toni and Howard sat, entranced by the songs as per usual. It wasn’t often that their parents performed for them, but when it happened, it was always this off mixture of silliness from their parents and true, heartwarming love delivered in beautiful tones.

* * *

  


Toni is going to punch Eddie Smith in his stupid, ugly face.

“C’mon, Stark! We both know you cheated off your brother! No girl could ever score higher than a boy! Not at anything!” His nasty teeth gnash together as he flaps his jaw at Toni, looming above her after he’d forcefully pushed her to the ground.

“One would think you’d be used to being proven inferior to me, Smith. I’ve been smarter than you our entire lives, and I rather believe you’re being obtuse on purpose,” Toni can’t help but snipe back at him, her snarl readily twisting her face into pure fire. 

“He’s been helpin’ you since first year, you cancelled stamp,” Smith spits spitefully at Toni, his fury reddening his cheeks. The kids that had gathered around them laughed and jeered “cancelled stamp” over and over. 

“I’d rather be a cancelled stamp then play at being a bimbo, Smith, now move!” Toni angrily stands, shoving the other child to the side as she stalks through the crowd of bandwagoning children, intent on sneaking into the library to read for the duration of recess. 

Toni makes it about ten feet before a hand grabs her hair and drags her to the ground, a crushing pressure settling on her middle as Smith presses a knee into her chest, fist cocked back, intention clear. 

Before Smith can unleash a punch, a new set of hands dig into each of Smith’s shoulders and rips him off of Toni, sending him sprawling a few feet away, breath knocked from him at the force with which he landed. 

“Get offa my sister you yellow-bellied baby dewdropper!” Howard yells, puffing protectively between the bully and his little sister. 

The horde of cheering children quiets down at the arrival of Howard, who’s always been very much popular at their grade school. He’s the coolest kid, especially to the youngsters in Toni’s class. 

“But Howard, she’s been stealing your work! She’s been pretending to be smart, trying to be like you, we suspect,” Emma Brown speaks up from the crowd, smiling toothily at Howard, her crush obvious. 

Howard only raises an eyebrow at the kids, helping Toni up off the ground. He places his arm around her shoulders, smirking at Emma Brown. “Annie here is the smartest person I know, including me. She’s a bona-fide genius, truly better than you Dumb Doras in every conceivable way.”

“Howie,” Toni quietly protests, her face flushed bright red, but smiling uncontrollably at her brother’s support. 

Howard simply smiles down at her in response, turning them both and walking away from the offended splutters of the kids. 

Howard was waiting outside Toni’s classroom after school so they could walk home without Toni being caught by another jealous classmate. The walk is silent until about halfway home, Howard stops walking and turns to Toni.

“Do you want me to teach you how to fight, Annie?” Howard is looking intently into Toni’s eyes and she’s a little taken aback. 

“... this is the first time anything’s gotten physical, Howard. I should have known better, I pushed Smith too far… I just get so angry when he’s always lying and saying I steal your work or I’m clearly not smart or I’m _ just a girl _,” Toni cuts off, feeling tears boil hot behind her eyes. 

“Annie- you’re only 9 years old right now. It will only get worse the older you grow and the smarter you get. Right now, you have the benefit of being a kid. Only to other kids are you fair game. The older you get, the more enemies you can make, the more people who will feel slighted that a _ woman _ has the audacity to be more intelligent than them,” Howard takes a deep breath and wipes at the tears that have rolled down Toni’s face. 

“It’s bonkers, Anne. You could easily pass classes way above even _ my _ grade level. This world is ruled by class and gender. You have started behind in the foot race, Annie, as both a girl and the daughter of a fruit salesman and seamstress. Right now, the easiest way to protect yourself is to learn how to fight back when they won’t listen to the words you have to say.”

“But you’re also the son of a fruit salesman and seamstress. I mean, sure, you’re a boy, but you’re just as smart as me! No one ever gets angry at you for it!” Toni cries more at the simple unfairness of it all. 

“Gender is easier for our small minded classmates to understand than class is, Annie. I’m a boy, so it’s acceptable. The world isn’t fair, Anne, and it’s never pretended to be. You’re going to have to fight if you want to continue being the genius you are in the world we live in.” Howard’s seriousness shows in the quality of his voice, his mouth pressed into a firm line, too stern for his 11 year old face. 

Toni reflects on Howard’s words of wisdom for a moment before steeling her resolve and hardening her will. “Starks are made of iron. Teach me to fight, Howie.”

Howard nods, obviously relieved, but Toni doesn’t miss the sorrow in his eyes, either. 

* * *

The Depression hit America soon after Toni’s 10th birthday, hitting the Starks just as hard as it hit the rest of the country. Money had never been particularly abundant for the family, but Toni simply never realized just how bad it could get. 

Her father has sold fruit for as long as Toni can remember, and he continued to do so in the face of the depression. Sales, however, tanked drastically. No one could afford fresh fruit anymore, so as not to waste perfectly edible fruit, he often gave it away for extremely discounted prices or even for free to the needier families before it could spoil. 

Toni’s mama’s sewing business also drastically suffered. Folks would rather go with torn clothes than spend money on a non-essential. Toni’s mom also took discounted prices, but eventually began to offer free lessons in mending clothing so the families could keep as warm as possible while only occasionally buying a new spool of thread or needle. 

Howard and Toni continued to grow as much as they could, soaking up more and more knowledge the older they got. 

Howard began slumming around looking for spare parts and scrap metal, turning their desolate back yard into a sort of makeshift lab. Toni would sneak out at night, brushing her fingers over his work and learning the machines’ functions. She usually kept her own scientific curiosity reserved for the books she read, but she vowed to herself that she’d apply them in real life, like Howard, one day. 

Howard had moved on to the next school, so Toni had to put her new fighting skills to use, defending herself as best as she could. 

“Another scrap in the schoolyard, Annie?” her mother sighs everytime Toni comes home with split knuckles or a busted lip.

Toni’s answer is always the same.

“They’re learning to simply let me be, mama. I don’t start the fights, but I always finish them.”

And so time marched on.

* * *

After a couple years of watching their parents suffer and struggle, Toni approaches Howard while he is experimenting after school.

“Howie, can I talk to you?” Toni asks rather meekly, fairly afraid of the discussion they are about to have.

“Always, Annie,” Howard smiles at her, setting down his tools and turning his body from the engine he’s putting together. 

“You most likely will not like it, Howie,” Toni beats around the bush, nervously tugging at her fingers and tapping her feet.

Howard’s smile wanes a bit, but nods encouragingly for Toni to continue, confusion shining from his eyes. 

Toni takes a deep breath. “I’m going to drop out of school to help mama and papa support the family.”

Toni closes her eyes against the deafening silence that answers her. After a few moments, she opens her eyes to see Howard looking defeated.

“I was thinking of doing the same thing,” Howard confesses, smiling weakly at Toni when her shoulders slump.

“What? No, Howard! You have plans, goals! Dropping out of school won’t help anything!” Toni protests, her soul screaming how wrong this is. 

“And you’re smarter than anyone I’ve ever met, Annie. Dropping out of school won’t get you anywhere, either! But Mother and Father… they’re working too hard. It’s just not healthy,” Howard concludes, shaking his head, and wrapping his hands tightly together, the knuckles turning white from the force.

“It’s your choice, I suppose. But I don’t think you should drop out, Howie, not at all,” Toni sighs and leans up to hug her brother, unease coursing through her body.

“Let’s… let’s talk to mother and father tonight, then,” Howard sighs, looking like his insides had been scooped out with the way he deflates into his sorrow. 

Toni simply nods, resonating with his sorrow but steeling herself against it. Her parents needed this. She would do this for her parents.

Mama and Papa think the fuck not.

“Not a chance. With smarts like those, you two will dig yourselves out of this depression,” their father promised, pride and hope warring for dominance in his tired eyes. 

“How the two of us birthed two geniuses is beyond me,” their mother added on, a warm smile stretching the skin of her sunken cheeks. 

“I can help, though! I’ve been learning a lot about engineering, I could do repairs around the city and-” but Toni’s protest is cut off by her father.

“Enough of that, young lady. You are 13 years old, the responsibility of this family lies with your mama and I, not you or your brother.”

Her mother looked worried with how persistent Toni is being in light of this argument. Howard had offered no protests at their denial, looking only grateful and relieved. Toni just looked desperate. 

“Annie, honey, what’s going on?” Alice grabs Toni’s chin gently, tilting her head up to meet Toni’s chocolate eyes.

“You and Papa are working so hard and doing so much for the community, mama. You’re making a real, genuine difference for all the people you help. Howard is experimenting more and more, making strides in engineering as a 15 year old. All I’m doing is going to school, learning nothing because I already know everything, then winning fights with chin wagging bullies who are starting to see me as a choice bit of calico rather than a goddamn person who can and _ will _beat them into smithereens.” Toni’s panting by the end of her rant, cheeks bright red and wild eyed. 

“Are they doing anything to you, Annie?” Howard steps forward, fury burning in his eyes at the mention of the boys in school starting to become attracted to her. 

Toni sighs and unclenches her fists, trying to let her anger drain from her fingertips. “No, Howie, they haven’t done anything. Just some vulgar comments before I beat their ugly mugs in.” Toni smiles reassuringly at Howard before turning to her mother once again.

“I don’t have any friends, mama. No one wants to be friends with the freak genius girl who wins fights and wears pants. I’ve no need for school anymore. They can’t teach me anything new and I’m miserable every day I’m there,” Toni admits, dropping her gaze to her hands, folded in her lap. 

“I never planned on college, so that won’t be a problem, but mama, papa, I _ can _ help the family _ right now _. Howard needs to stay in school so he can go to college and start his career in engineering, but that’s not what I want,” Toni finishes quietly, glancing Howard’s small smile that’s overshadowed by the sorrow in his eyes. 

Her parents exchange worried looks before her father nodded. “Your mother and I will further discuss this tonight, Antoinette, and we’ll confer with you tomorrow.” They shuffle from the room, leaving Howard and Toni alone in the kitchen.

“I know you said that it isn’t what you want, but you will always have a place in my professional life,” Howard assures Toni, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and squeezing tightly. 

“Stark Industries, right? I’ve seen the company logo designs you keep with your machines,” Toni smiles, leaning into Howard. 

“That’s right. I’m going to turn our name into something, little sister. I know you sneak out to study my experiments every night. I know you probably know them better than I do or ever will. I could use your smarts around my undoubtedly extremely successful business,” Howard teases Toni. Her heart constricts with the amount of affection pouring into her chest. 

“I’ll help you with any designs should you need it, Howie, but the business world just isn’t for me. Besides, there’s hardly anything out there that I can understand if you can’t.”

“Right,” Howard snorts, “I’ll definitely take you up on that, though, Annie… in the meantime, why don’t you just join me in the “lab” rather than sneak out at night? You need to sleep more,” Howard shoves Toni’s shoulder, standing and walking to the bedroom, intent on sleep. 

“Well, _ I’ll _ definitely take _ you _ up on that one, brother.” Toni grins, following her brother to the bedroom to get some much needed sleep. 

A quick seven hours later, Toni sits down at the table with her parents. They both look uncertain and nervous, but quickly hide it when Toni turns to them.

“So… what’s the verdict?” Her palms are sweating and her breaths are coming shallow. 

“You’re a genius, Annie. It doesn’t come as a surprise that school isn’t enough for you. Not wanting to attend college is a bit of a surprise, what with how much you’ve always loved to learn, but that’s not our decision to make. You’re suffering at your school, more than we knew, and we’re not going to force you to stay in school if it isn’t conducive to your health. 

Before Toni can celebrate, however, her father holds up a finger and continues. 

However, you will finish out this current year of schooling, get middle school under your belt. Before you are allowed to not enroll for high school, we want a clear plan on what your plan is. If you aren’t going to be in school, you’re going to have a clear path of where you want to go.” Toni’s father finishes and crosses his arms, staring Toni down. 

Toni considers her father words for a few moments before nodding. “That sounds completely fair to me. Thank you for allowing me this chance.”

“Thank you for being mature about this… Annie, when you’re making your plan, please don’t take our family’s finances into account.” Her mother requests, a pained look clawing onto her face.

“We aren’t granting this to you because we want- or need- you to find a job. We’re doing this because you’re obviously miserable. Maybe reconsider the college aspect of our discussion last night. It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy or large, but you’ve always enjoyed learning and creating above all else, just like your brother. Just think it over, honey,” Her mother interrupts her when she’s about to protest, a smile on her face.

“Now- off to school, darling, your brother is waiting outside for you.”

Her father kisses the top of her head and her mother squeezes her hand and they both exit to head to their jobs.

_ A plan. Let’s get started, then. _

* * *

Two months later, Toni sits her family down at the table and presents to them her plan. 

“Okay, folks, here goes. As you all know, I’m very interested in physics and engineering. I, much like Howie, quite enjoy experimenting and inventing. I also, however, quite enjoy repairing broken objects. It’s cathartic, in a way, to fix what’s been ruined. I know that you guys said to not worry about finances, and I want you to know that this isn’t what that is,” Toni breathes in deeply and relaxes her shoulders, lost as to when they had tensed up.

“Papa. You and Mama have made a difference in this community, as I’ve stated. You are kind, generous, loving to your customers. You are giving more to the community than I’ll ever be able to truly understand, most likely. I want to be like you guys. I want to help the people in the best way I can. So, I’ve been learning how to repair all common machines I can. Ovens, heaters, ice boxes, vacuum cleaners, washing machines, cars, radios, you name it! I can fix it, guaranteed. Low prices, bartering, even for free if need be. The people need a cheap repairman, and I’m the right girl for the job.” Toni holds her breath, and watches her family’s reactions.

Papa is blinking rapidly and swallowing repeatedly. Mama isn’t in much better shape. Howard, however, is staring at Toni, eyes sharp.

“How many people will want to hire a girl, Anne?” His voice isn’t condescending or mean, simply searching. 

“All of them, when word of my brilliance gets around,” Toni answers confidently, chin raised and eyebrow lifted. 

“You’ll face a lot of rejection and speculation. You’re 13, not 30. You’ll have to be persistent, and willing to accept ridicule. Your skin needs to be thick. It’s going to take a while for anyone to take you seriously, if ever,” Her father warns her, Howard’s line of questioning snapping him out of his daze. 

“Well, a great man once said that Starks are made of iron. I’ll just have to prove him correct, now won’t I?”

The four Starks smirk at each other and Toni is bolstered with a stronger confidence than she’s ever felt. 

* * *

It takes a long time for the people of Richford, New York to accept that that young girl, Toni Stark, can fix anything they throw at her. After her talk with her family, Toni worked the hardest she’d ever worked, spreading herself in extremely generous measure over the entire city. 

A few months in, a couple weeks after her 14th birthday, she got her first creep. He had heard that she could fix whatever was needed and called upon her for his heater. 

That wasn’t exactly what he had in mind.

He made one pass at her and Toni sent him a sharp look and continued questioning him about his heater. He set his hand much too low on her back and she snapped, grabbing his arm and twisting it away from her person, maneuvering herself to kick him in the balls as hard as she could. 

“No payment necessary, sir,” she assured him, grabbing her tools and stomping from the building. 

A few more perverts tried to take advantage of her in the next year, but word spread pretty quickly that she could and would beat you bloody if you tried anything with her. 

To her non-perverted customers, she was warm and considerate. She took whatever they could afford to give her, and never once complained. She got her jobs done efficiently and provided witty banter along the way. The people of Richford soon loved her as much as they loved her parents. 

By the time she turned 16, Toni was a staple in the community. While it hadn’t been her original purpose, she was helping her parents out with money quite a bit. While she charged little, she got so much business that it made up for her extremely discounted prices. Her parents were able to relax a bit and even wrote and performed a song for Toni for the first time in many years.

Howard hadn’t been around much for the past couple of years. He graduated High School early and began travelling around to various business conferences and meetings, learning everything he could about the world of business, making connections, and raising up the social ladder. He was getting closer and closer to his dream of Stark Industries. Toni and their parents couldn’t be prouder of him.

Howard and Toni exchange letters very often, and Howard sends her designs and schematics often, looking for her input and improvements. It’s a good way to satisfy her inventor itch as well as help her beloved brother. 

Life is going very well for the Starks, and for the first time in a long time, they were all breathing easy.

* * *

Walter and Alice Stark are overwhelmed by a fever in late January of 1937 and die in their sleep. The community grieves them, and Howard comes back to Richford for a week to help plan the funeral with Toni. 

“How long had they been sick?” Howard asks Toni quietly, huddled together under a pile of blankets on their parents’ bed. 

“It had only been a few weeks. We didn’t realize it was so serious,” Toni answers, voice hollow as she rests on Howard, absorbing the comforting presence of her older brother. 

Howard nods and holds Toni tighter to himself, needing her comfort just as much as she needs his.

They just lie there for a couple days, reliving old memories and preparing themselves to say goodbye to their amazing parents. 

“Friday at noon. The park near the cemetery.”

“Are their plots ready?”

“Yes.”

Toni makes them a dinner of ham and boiled potatoes before they retire to the living room. 

“So… what’s happening with you, Howard? Any new business conferences or people I haven’t heard about yet?” Toni asks, sick of the silence. 

“Uh… yeah, um, I was at a conference in France when I got word about Mother and Father. I met a couple of chemists who were interesting enough, but nothing too interesting since we’ve last talked. And you?” Howard asks, seemingly relieved for a reason to fill the air with noise.

“I got to work on a couple of cars a bit ago. Nice ones- 1935 Cadillacs. Just had to vamp up the engine and replace a couple of belts, but they were beauts. Other than that, a lot of the usual. Heaters, radios, ovens, the works. I worked on the Browns’ ice box. Emma asked about you,” Toni smiled teasingly at Howard and sunk into the familiar banter she hadn’t had since he moved away years ago. 

“Ugh, that hag,” Howard frowned, disgusted by the mere mention of the girl. 

“Oh, c’mon, Howie, you know she always harbored a huge crush on you,” Toni laughed and avoided the swat aimed her way.

“Don’t remind me,” he shuddered, soon joining Toni in her laughter. 

“Say, any boys dizzy with you yet, Annie?” Howard asks, eyebrows waggling furiously. 

Toni sighs with a frown, mood dropping slightly. 

“Not yet. A lot of them hate my personality. A lot of them hate that I’m smart. A lot of them only want my body. None have liked me yet,” Toni admits, swallowing heavily and smiling weakly at her brother. 

“Then they’re all idiots who don’t deserve you anyway,” Howard growls out, clear anger in his voice. 

Toni simply shrugs. “I’ll find someone eventually, I’m sure.”

_ Eventually my ass. _

“Any girls you’re gone on, big brother?” Toni asks in return, wanting to move on. 

“No. I’ve enjoyed a few lookers, but nothing with intent,” Howard shrugs, not looking particularly bothered.

“U-huh, and how’s that going for you, Howie?” Toni has one eyebrow raised with her lips playfully pursed.

“Eggs in coffee, little sister,” Howard smirks and Toni just exasperatedly rolls her eyes.

They let silence fall for a while. It’s better than the silence that’s been permeating the air ever since Mama and Papa died- much lighter, like maybe things won’t be so bad.

* * *

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Toni, Howard. They were stand up people.” Mr. Martinelli from the hot dog stand downtown is the last straggler at the funeral, and Toni and Howard are quick to dismiss him. 

“Thanks, Mikey. They really were. We’re all gonna miss them. I’ll see you Tuesday, okay? Save me some mustard,” Toni smiles and pats his large, rounded shoulder as he leaves. 

Howard smiles amusedly at Toni and shuffles forward to press her into a side hug. 

“Ready to say goodbye?”

Toni swallows heavily and bobs her head, tucking herself tighter into his side. 

They move forward as one, coming to a stop in front of the small gravestones. 

“We were lucky,” Toni whispers into the frozen air around them. 

“Very,” Howard agrees. 

“We love you,” Toni whispers once more.

“We’ll miss you,” Howard adds. 

They stay in the cold for as long as they can stand, huddled together as they give their silent farewells to their beloved parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, guys, that’s it for Chapter 2! I hope I painted Toni’s childhood well enough for you all! Chapter 3 should be up soon! Thank you for your continued support!
> 
> Reviews are accepted and appreciated!


	3. How To Move Forward?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni acclimates to life after her parents' deaths. She's just doing her best, okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy Howdy, it’s chapter 3 ladies. I didn’t really plan on making any OCs that had any relevance to the story in a prolonged manner, so Mary Ellen and Lenny kinda took me by surprise. They’ll never be the focus of the story, but they’ll definitely be recurring!
> 
> I do not own anything associated with Marvel or Marvel itself.

Chapter Three: How To Move Forward?

Howard stuck around for a couple days after the funeral, insisting that he didn’t have to meet his scientist friends for another few days. 

Toni disagrees. 

“You’re only 17, Annie. Is it really a good idea for you to be alone like this?” Howard protests one last time as Toni pushes him out the door. 

“Howie. I will be fine, dandy really, I promise you. Just keep up the letters and we’ll be fine, too,” Toni promises, leaning against the door to their little house- her little house, now.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll leave you be. And you better believe I’ll keep the letters up, I have near endless designs that’ll require your input,” Howard smiles and steps forward to pull Toni into a crushing hug.

“I know I don’t say it often enough, Annie, but I am so proud of you. You took up their mantle of kindness so easily. You’re a stronger person than I could ever hope to be,” He burrows into her a bit, and Toni almost breaks and demand he stay at least a day more. 

Almost.

“I don’t know why you pretend like I’m better than you in any way, Howie. You’re strong, you’re ambitious, you have _ fire _ . You are everything I ever needed, big brother. My rock, some would say. They were… _ so _ proud of you Howie. Boasted about you all the time. Never doubt that.” Toni squeezes Howard as hard as she can, savoring the moment before she steps away. 

“Now. You have places to be, people to meet, big brother. Don’t keep them waiting,” Toni winks and Howard smiles back at her, a blush on his face for the first time since they were tiny children. 

“Yeah, yeah. Talk to you soon, Annie,” he returns the wink and strides away, a new pep in his step. 

Toni shakes her head with an affectionate smile and turns back into the house. 

_ What to do now? _

* * *

Toni thinks she’s going insane. It’s been months and the townspeople just won’t leave her alone. They hang onto her parents in a way that only exhausts her. 

Toni remembers them every day. She smiles when she sees the corner her dad would utilize to sell fruit. She can’t make any clothes without feeling her mother’s soft touch to the back of her hands, correcting sewing patterns. She remembers them, she loves them, she misses them. She does not, however, cling to them. Not the way the city folk are.

“We just miss them so much, Toni.”

“You know, with you around, it’s almost like they’re still here, Toni!”

“How are you doing, Toni? You seem tired.”

“You seem so down these days. Can I do anything for you?”

Toni’s not getting much sleep these days. She stays awake at night, dreading the next day of facing the city folk. She doesn’t need a play by play of their grief for _ her _parents. Certainly not. 

_ They knew Mother and Father for a long time, Annie. They’re grieving just as much as we are. _ Howard points out after Toni complained for half of her letter. 

And Toni knows that! She truly does. She knows her parents were a very large part of the community of Richford, they were the ones who inspired Toni to try to make a difference herself. It makes sense that the community is taking it so hard. That doesn’t change the way Toni feels about it. 

_ I know, Howie, I know. I think… I think I have to leave Richford. The house isn’t the same without you all. It’s quiet, cold. The townsfolk won’t let Mama and Papa rest, not the way I wanted for them. They should be remembered fondly, not… not obsessed over. I just feel so suffocated here. _ Toni writes Howard, feeling horrible for the words she’s writing but meaning them with her whole heart. 

_ You could come to Manhattan, live with me in my apartment! I’m not around much, but it’s a nice area! _Howard’s pen strokes speak of the jittery excitement with which he wrote his words.

It’s appealing to Toni, being with her big brother again, but at the same time, it’s completely unappealing. 

Even if she did live with Mama and Papa for most of her life, she’s always felt independent. She enjoys the freedom of living by herself- her family home simply feels wrong when it’s just her instead of the loving family that once inhabited the small house. 

_ That’s very kind of you, Howie, and I seriously considered taking you up on the offer. However, I don’t want to intrude on your life. I want to strike out on my own- away from Richford. A clean slate, if you will. You’ve been all over- any recommendations? _ Toni’s heart beats faster just at the thought of getting away from Richford, of finding a new home to make new memories rather than wallow in old ones. 

_ You wouldn’t be intruding, Annie, I swear! Like I said, I’m away a lot of the time when I travel and whatnot. If you want to strike out on your own, however, I’ve always loved Brooklyn. Nice, lively area, and some great food. They know how to have fun, even in the face of the Depression. It’s also a short train ride to Manhattan… Just saying! _

Brooklyn it is.

* * *

Toni travels to Brooklyn 3 times in the next month to prepare for her move to the city. The first trip, she simply wanders to take the city in, becoming as acquainted as one can in a single day. The second trip fell the day after her 18th birthday, and she spent this trip at the main government building, updating all of her identification and paperwork. She signed a lease for an apartment in downtown Brooklyn on her last trip, which she’s excited about despite the sleazy landlord. All that’s left is to say goodbye to the people of Richford.

Toni doesn’t know how to say goodbye to these people. Sure, she hasn’t been particularly fond of them since her parents died, but these are still the people who she’d serviced for over four years with dedication. At this point, a lot of them had accepted her the best anyone could. They accepted her genius and her spunk- they expected nothing less than a mean right hook if any one of them were to act slyly. They liked her. She feels almost as if she’s betraying them with her move.

“I truly am sorry to leave you all like this. I just can’t… I can’t be here anymore,” Toni admits quietly to her favorite customers, Mr. and Mrs. Daley, a kind old couple who ran through most social circles with smiles and words of wisdom. 

“We understand, child. You’ve done great things for this community. None of us ever really expected you to stay here for too long- we figured you’d follow in your brother’s footsteps sooner rather than later,” Mrs. Daley grabs her hand with a warm smile on her wrinkled face.

“When are you leaving?” Mr. Daley asks, joining his wife and patting Toni’s shoulder. 

“October 28th,” Toni says quietly, leaning slightly into their touches.

“That’s hardly even a week away,” Mr. Daley points out, eyebrows raised.

“Yes. I’ve been making plans for a while,” Toni tries her best to smile.

They nod in unison, sad smiles on their faces. “We’ll spread the word, honey.”

That they do. There are a few farewell get togethers she attends, but most of the goodbyes she cares about are done when she’s caught on the street or completing a final repair. 

A week later, she closes the door of her childhood home one last time. 

* * *

“Don’t forget- rent’s due the first of every month,” the pudgy little landlord tells Toni for the fourth time, condescending as he dangles the keys before her like one would tease a dog.

“I understand, Mr. Davis, truly,” Toni’s smile is sharp, bordering on a snarl, as she snatches the keys from his sausage fingers quicker than he could blink. 

He sneers and mutters about whacky broads as he waddles away.

_ One day, I’ll have to set him straight. What a pleasure it’ll be. _

It takes three trips to bring all of Toni’s stuff up. The apartment came partially furnished, a bolted down double bed and navy blue loveseat installed with great pride from Mr. Davis. Toni only brought her clothes, books, and basic living supplies with her, donating everything else to the homeless shelters of Richford. 

She saved up enough money to be okay for a couple months if work is slow, which Toni suspects will be the case. She’ll have to prove her worth to Brooklyn just as she had to in Richford. She whispers a quick prayer for her knuckles. She’s sure they’ll split on many new faces. 

The clock on the wall reads five past noon by the time she’s put everything away. A knock sounds at her door before Toni can even consider testing out the very worn loveseat. 

Her door is a few inches above her 5’7” and peeling yellowed paint. There are children’s height measurements lining both sides of the doorjamb which Toni refuses to ever paint over. The door opens to reveal two adults a few years younger than her parents and a young child, all dressed in their Sunday clothes.

“Hello, dear, we’re the Briggs. We’re your next door neighbors!” The woman exclaims, a warm smile gracing her pretty face.

Toni blinks, startled for a moment at the woman’s enthusiasm, before she can construct a smile on her own face.

“Oh! Well, it’s wonderful to meet you, Briggs family. I’m Antoinette Stark, but you can call me Toni,” Toni’s smile is more genuine by the end of her introduction.

“Toni! The pleasure is all ours! I’m Blanche. This is my husband, Ernest,” the large man gives a shy smile and minuscule nod, “and our daughter Eleanor,” the small girl is just staring at Toni in complete awe.

“You’re… you’re wearing pants,” she whispers, meeting Toni’s eyes briefly before turning red and darting her eyes quickly away. 

Toni tilts her head to the side, considering the small child before her. She stops just below Toni’s rib cage and seems to be extremely embarrassed by her observation. She can’t be older than 10, and Toni’s eyebrow quirks upward.

“That I am, Lenny, that I am. I’m a repairman, so I need to be able to bend and move easily,” Toni explains, looking back to Blanche and Ernest, waiting for their reactions. Men have a hard time swallowing her way of living, but women provide just as much judgement a lot of the times, society molding them to look down on those who rebel against the norm. 

“Lenny,” she hears the girl whisper, sounding a bit dazed. 

The Briggs seem surprised for a moment before Blanche positively lights up.

“We’ve been needing our heater fixed for quite some time! What are your rates?” she asks excitedly, not a wisp of discontent on her face. 

Toni glances at Ernest to check for any judgement but simply finds him smiling fondly at his wife’s enthusiasm. 

Toni smiles to herself for a moment before answering Blanche. 

“A heater you said? Depending on how long it takes me, I’ll accept up to $1.50. If you can’t afford that, I can discount the price 50% off if you spare me an entertaining story or good words of wisdom,” Toni smiles at the familiar dialogue she’d exchanged many a time. 

“You offer discounted prices? But $1.50 is already so little!” Ernest speaks up for the first time, his voice surprisingly tenor for a man of his size. 

Toni shrugs. “Times are rough on the good folk. Nobody should have to go without the basics in life. I taught myself how to fix any machine under the sun so I could try to help as much as I can. Plus, I’m a woman. Folks are more likely to utilize my services if it doesn’t cost a pretty penny,” Toni shrugs once more, aware of the realities of the world she lives in. 

“That’s mighty kind of you, Toni. It’d be an honor to have you work on our heater,” Ernest shakes her hand, respect written all over his face. 

Toni returns the handshake with a firm pressure, affection for these strangers swelling in her chest. 

“Why don’t you come on over, Toni? We could treat you to lunch then you can check out the heater if you would like?” Blanche offers, tilting her blonde head back to apartment b, the only other apartment on the fourth floor of the building. 

“Oh! Yes, yes, that sounds wonderful, Blanche,” Toni checks her pockets for her key before shutting the yellowed door and following the family into their own little apartment. 

It’s slightly bigger than Toni’s apartment and filled with warm scarlets and tans, feeling much more a home than Toni’s own little space. 

_ I’ll make it a home yet. _

“We made sandwiches for lunch! Is tuna alright?” Blanche flits over to the kitchen where four sandwiches were waiting on plates.

They had come to invite Toni to lunch. This realization clenches her chest into knots. She hadn’t realized she’d been so wary of being alone in a new place until these kind people extended their warm hands. 

Toni swallow around the lump in her throat. “Yes. A tuna sandwich sounds amazing.”

“So are you super smart?” Eleanor speaks up, shooting her eyes away after a moment of eye contact once again. 

“I’m very good with machines. Have been since I was a kid, like you. Anything that interests you, Lenny?” Toni doesn’t like to outright admit she’s a genius if she can help it. Nobody likes a peacock. Especially if it’s female.

“You keep calling me Lenny,” the girl whispers into her sandwich, face bright red.

“Do you want me to stop, kid?” she asks, not wanting to make the child any more uncomfortable than she already is. 

“NO!” Lenny shouts in a clearly uncharacteristic moment of volume if her parents’ reactions are anything to go by.

“Eleanor Briggs! Never raise your voice at the table!” Blanche.

Ernest simply raises his eyebrows in shock.

“Sorry, Ma, Pa. Sorry Miss Toni. I like it- it’s swell,” her blush intensifies once more, but a small smile is present on her face, and Toni counts it as a win. 

Toni’s answering smile is quite large. “Oh, Lenny, you wound me,” Toni clutches her chest and arranges her face in a tragic grimace, “None of that Miss mess. Toni will be just fine. You didn’t answer my question, though. Interests?”

“I… I really like reading. Fiction,” Lenny clarified, surprisingly bold in the face of sharing personal information.

“Oh? Anything I might know?” Toni inquires, though she knows there won’t be. Toni’s always liked reading, but it’s almost always been nonfictions on engineering or mathematics. 

Lenny shows that she’s her mother’s daughter when she bursts her way out of her shell, face lighting up in the same way Blanche’s had earlier in the hallway. 

“Well, my new favorite book came out last month! It’s called The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien! It’s fantastic! It has magic and dwarves and elves and magnificent battles and the protagonist, Bilbo Baggins, is a hobbit! They’re really short and have furry feet and they don’t like adventure, but Bilbo is different from his people! He goes on an adventure with this wizard named Gandalf and a bunch of-” 

“Eleanor, take a breath!” Blanche cuts Lenny off in an affectionate tone, betraying her stern expression. 

Lenny once again turns bright red. “Sorry Toni,” she apologizes, panting a bit from her enthusiasm. 

“Oh, please don’t apologize, Lenny! I understand your excitement. It sounds like an exciting book! I, myself, get that way if someone asks me a couple of engineering questions. When I get going, my brother, Howard, is the only person who’s ever been able to keep up with me. Never apologize for your interests. They’re yours. You’re allowed to be vocal about something that excites you. Don’t shut that away,” Toni’s speech is impassioned, even to her own ears. She clears her throat and takes a bite of her sandwich, awkward in the face of their silence. 

“Okay, Toni,” Lenny’s voice is as dazed as it had been in the hallway.

They all go back to eating, and if Blanche’s smile is a bit watery, no one mentions it. 

“Let me show you to the heater, Toni,” Ernest stands, leading a bit into the room and to a small closet door in the back right of the apartment. 

As they open the door, Ernest leans in slightly and whispers, “Thank you for that, Toni. She gets some trouble at school for her reading habits. It’s easy to tell that she already looks up to you.”

“Hey, a girl can only learn from her own experiences how to handle the world,” Toni shrugs, figuring it was probably obvious that she had faced similar struggles. “So. what’s happening with this bad boy?”

“It rattles constantly and frequently stops working for varying periods of time,” Ernest easily follows her change in subject. 

Toni nods. “Alright. Let me get my tools and change into my coveralls real quick. I’ll be back with you shortly.”

It takes Toni ten minutes to fix their heater, catching up on local news all the while.

“All done!” Toni exclaims, wiping some grease onto her coveralls and hopping to her feet.

“Already?” Blanche and Ernest are clearly startled at Toni’s speed. 

“Oh, yeah, it was a really common issue. Should be good as new!” She finishes up putting her tools away and straightens up, smiling at her neighbors. 

“I have to go get cleaned up and make a run to the grocery store before dinnertime. Would you all like to join me? I think I’ll make spaghetti and tomato sauce tonight!” Toni stops in front of where the Briggs had been relaxing on their couch. 

“That sounds wonderful, dear! Now. $1.50, you said?” Blanche searches for her purse.

“Nope! You guys both fed me _ and _ provided entertaining conversation. That’s all the compensation I need!” Toni smiles moves toward their door, which had the same peeling, yellowed paint of Toni’s door. 

“We can afford the buck fifty, Toni,” Ernest insists, arms crossed. 

“Sorry, guys. I have rules set in place. Conversation and meals are payment, and I was already paid for my services. I break my rules for no one, not even my friends!” Toni answers sternly, hands placed on her hips. 

“We’ll pay you with money first, next time,” Blanche promises, smiling softly at Toni at the mention of their new friendship. 

“Definitely. I’ll spread the word of your services at my factory. How can they get in contact with you?” Ernest asks, a small smile on his stubbly face. 

“Here. My landline and post box are on these business cards. I post a week’s worth of appointments on the bulletin board at the Post Office. They can just pull the date and time stub they want, write the appropriate information on the lines provided and drop it into my Post box. Or they can call and work out an appointment that way. Thanks for the offer, Ernest.” Toni hands him a few business cards.

“Can I have a few too? I’ll spread the word with the ladies at the salon,” Blanche takes the business cards with a wide smile. 

“Thank you, Blanche. This is extremely kind of you folks. Thank you both very much,” Toni shakes both of their hands with a firm nod. “Spaghetti will be ready at 6!” she calls over her shoulder as she shows herself out. 

* * *

“A woman?” The blonde man at the door scoffs when Toni introduces herself. “Ernest didn’t say you were a woman.”

_ Ooo, sneaky, Ernest! I wonder if all of the appointments in my post box think I’m a man. _

Toni had been a little confused at the sheer amount of requests she already had waiting for her. It hadn’t come this easy in Richford, and she had had the added benefit of people already loving her parents there!

“Hmmm. But did he speak of my great skill and low prices?” 

Toni has a certain tolerance she utilizes when she is heckled. If it’s about her being a woman, she persists with confidence. If it’s about her intelligence, she talks circles around them. If it’s an unwanted verbal sexual advance, her words turn sharp and she ceases all conversation not about her task. If it’s an unwanted physical sexual advance, she beats them to the ground and leaves immediately, her task incomplete if necessary. If it’s already complete, she demands her payment from the broken man she had taken by surprise then leaves him on the floor. 

It’s worked well for her. 

“You needed your radio fixed, yes? My rate for repairing a radio is $0.35, and I bet I can repair it in under thirty minutes,” Toni grips the handle of her toolbox tighter and maintains eye contact with the tall man in front of her. 

“Are you sure you can handle it, doll? It’s a pretty big radio,” his voice holds all the condescension of a bully and Toni’s knuckles turn white from pure exertion. 

“I’m a strong gal, Mr. Carson. I’ve worked on a lot heavier,” Toni promises, smile still bright.

“I’m sure,” he eyes her in a way that sets Toni immediately on edge. He steps aside to let her in and Toni keeps her head high as she passes by him.

“It’s in the bedroom. Please, after you,” he holds an arm out in the direction of a door, presumably his bedroom, and Toni marches stiffly onward, feeling his slimy eyes slithering all along her the entire way. To her extremely miniscule relief, he stops at the doorway.

Toni’s going to make this the quickest repair of her life. 

“What seems to be the problem with the radio, Mr. Carson?” Toni asks, keeping her voice tight and professional, tension clear in her posture. 

“Static flashes in and out. It also doesn’t receive any stations past the news. I’m missing out on all the boxin’, kitten,” His voice is forced deeper than it had been earlier, and Toni keeps herself alert as she nods. 

“Okay. I think I already know the issue. I’ll have it fixed in a jiffy,” Toni gets to work immediately, crouching down and keeping track of the hovering presence behind her with ease after years of practice. 

Toni only gets a few minutes of work before the bimbo opens his mouth.

“So, kitten, you’re new to the city?” 

“Yes, I am. And, please, call me Miss Stark.”

“Aw, don’t be that way, kitten! I’m just tryin’ to make conversation with ya!” his voice is still deep, and Toni feels his presence draw nearer behind her.

“I’m simply setting boundaries for this professional exchange, Mr. Carson. Now, I only have a few more adjustments to make here, then I will be on my way,” Toni keeps her tone light, but she tenses herself, ready to fend off any possible passes that could come her way.

“I’ve got something you could adjust right here,” Toni doesn’t have to look to know to what he is inferring. 

“I do not offer those kinds of services, Mr. Carson,” Toni’s voice has now gone flat, and she finishes screwing the inner panels back in place. 

“I wasn’t lookin’ to do business. I was lookin’ for some pleasure,” his presence moves forward once again, and Toni screws in the last fastener for the shell of the radio before turning it on. A boxing match rings clearly through the air as Toni flies from her crouch, twisting to face the man who is now only a foot or so away from her. 

“Good as new. That’ll be $0.35,” Toni meets his lustful stare with the hardest eyes she has in her repertoire. He’s shaken off-kilter when she’s done so quick, but recovers quickly, a smirk working its way onto his face.

“Ernest mentioned you’d discount the price for some good conversation? Or a meal? I’ve got some sausage right here-” he crowds Toni’s space and the exact moment his hand comes in contact with her hip, her fist smashes into his cheek, pushing him back a few feet as he stumbles with the blow. Toni gets in a powerful 1-2-3 jab, cross, left hook before he falls to the ground.

“That’ll be $0.35 Mr. Carson. I don’t give discounts for unwanted advances. Now, the $0.35, if you please,” Toni has gathered her tools through his bout of spluttered curses, turning with a large and heavy wrench in hand, poised in a defensive manner.

The man shoves to his feet and glares furiously at her.

“I ain’t givin’ you shit, bitch,” he yells, a snarl forming as he wipes no small amount of blood from his nose. 

“I’ve fixed your radio- improved it even. You will give me the money I’ve earned. And you will _ never _ try to take advantage of me again,” her voice is dripping venom, and she advances threateningly with the wrench still in hand. 

His eyes flick down to the wrench and back to her face. He breathes heavily as he considers his options for a few moments. He growls and shoves a hand into his pocket, retrieving the appropriate money before flinging it at her. 

Toni keeps the wrench raised and lifts an unimpressed eyebrow before holding out her other hand and waiting. A minute passes as the man’s breathing gets heavier in a linear parallel comparison with his anger. 

A flush of infuriated humiliation rips across his face before he lunges for the coins and slaps them into her hand. 

Toni pockets the money without taking her eyes off of him. She slowing crouches to grab her toolbox then backs out of his apartment, eyes on him and wrench raised the entire way to his door. When she pulls it shut after she exits, she sprints down the hallway and stairs, not stopping until she’s burst onto the busy Brooklyn street, gulping lungfuls of city air. She gets a few weird looks, but Toni ignores them, walking briskly until she’s a block away and collapsing on a bench, taking a moment to collect herself. 

She hadn’t experienced a customer like that in a couple of years. She had forgotten how small it can make her feel, the fear of the bigger, stronger man looming over her. While she’s confident that her fighting skills could take down a much larger opponent, even if he isn’t surprised, Toni still experiences the near paralyzing effect that type of fear can blanket over her. 

She squeezes her eyes shut and prays the rest of her post box won’t be composed of assholes like Andrew Carson. 

_ Shake it off, Toni. Starks are made of iron. _

Toni sucks in a deep breath and checks her next appointment location. 

* * *

_ Anyway, how’re you settling down in Brooklyn, Annie? How’s the work coming? Have you made any friends? Have you had a milkshake from the diner on Newport yet? I just might have to visit you if only for those milkshakes! _ Howard’s letter reaches her easily and Toni relaxes into her brother’s questioning, practically hearing the comforting timbre of his jaunty voice. 

But how to answer? 

Honestly?

. . . She’ll give it a try.

_ Heya Howie, _

_ I’ll make sure to look at these designs in a moment. As I write to you now, however, there is a young girl by the name of Eleanor Briggs immersed in her very favorite novel, _ _ The Hobbit _ _ , reclined on my loveseat. Did you know that Dwarves have kings? Or that hobbits don’t enjoy adventure? Anyhow, I never considered myself too much of a children kind of gal, but Lenny is quite the hoot. She’s only 11, but her enthusiasm and zest for literature is the kind of bolstering I find myself needing in the face of how… unexpectedly difficult it has been for me to face misogyny and aggression in such great quantity once again. _

_ Lenny and her parents, Blanche and Ernest, are my neighbors. They have been exceedingly warm and welcoming, and I dare say I may have found myself three new friends. Granted, none of them are my peers, but they have all proven to be reliable and caring. I rather believe Mama and Papa would have gotten on fabulously with Blanche and Ernest. They’re the cream of the crop, truly. _

_ I have much more business than I expected to have for a while, but Blanche and Ernest each sang my praises at work and business has been booming. My customers have, on the whole, left much to be desired. My knuckles are bloodied and blue most days. One man even got so far as having landed a kiss onto my neck before I could blast my knee into his scrotum. Don’t you worry, though, big brother, I’ve left each and every one of those kinda customers wheezing on the ground, too pained and scared to try anything more. I also believe they are too embarrassed to admit it was a woman who turned them black and blue, as none of my customers have yet to cancel an appointment. Oh well, more business for me! _

_ Not all of the customers have been appalling. In truth, I’ve had many, many more apathetic, some even kind, customers than I’ve had pervy shit stains. The stains just seem to stand out more than the rest. Perhaps because I carry their appointments in bruises and blood, while the kind fade away into the noise of the day. Maybe it’s been so long since I’ve had to deal with such behavior in such quantity that I’ve gone soft… vulnerable. Too comfortable. I sometimes catch myself longing for the days of grade school, where the worst I had to deal with was jealous children and schoolyard bullies. _

_ Stark are made of iron. Stark are made of iron. Starks are made of iron. _

_ A motto I turned into armor against the world. I haven’t had to wear it in some time. My skin has grown unused to its weight. _

_ Time to regrow my calluses. _

_ I’ll write more later, brother. I’ve got a kid tugging on one sleeve and your designs on the other. _

_ Take a breath for a second. You’re almost there. One break won’t destroy it all. I love you. _

_ Annie _

* * *

Not even a month later, Howard shows up on her doorstep, a bag in hand and a bright smile belied by the concerned eyes hovering above. 

“Howie!” Toni squeals, darting forward to tackle her brother in a tight hug. 

“Annie,” he breathes out and drops his face into her hair, bag falling to the ground as he wraps her in a boa strength hug. 

“You should have told me you were going to visit! I would have bought a second bed,” Toni laughs, nuzzling into his embrace further. 

“I can’t… I can’t stay for long,” his voice is pained, “but I couldn’t not see you. It’s been a month. Have things gotten better?”

Well he certainly never was one to beat around the bush.

“Come inside, Howie,” Toni pulls him inside her apartment, eyeing the Brigg’s door warily. They’ve seen her knuckles, but she’s never discussed her work issues with them. Especially not in front of Lenny. She can stay relaxed for another few years.

_ God, I hope. _

Howard stoops to grab his bag on the way, setting it carefully just inside the door before pulling Toni onto the loveseat. 

“So?” he prods, eyebrows raised and frown nervous. 

Toni looks away, eyes wandering until they fix onto the vase of flowers in the corner of the tan room. She studies the healthy flush of the petunias and sturdy ribs of the vase. They were an impulse purchase on the way home from work two days earlier. The last time she had fought a customer. Something about the flowers had called to her, and she had needed something bright and cheery in her apartment, as Lenny couldn’t exactly be a permanent fixture. 

“I’ve been better. I’ve been worse. I’m acclimating. You know me, Howie. I may stumble now and then, but I always ultimately come out on top,” Toni stares into Howard’s eyes as she answers him. She wouldn’t joke about this, not at Howard. He would drop everything he worked for in a heartbeat if he thought she wasn’t handling this well. 

“How many encounters have you had?” he holds her eye contact, but relaxes slightly, granting her the trust they’d formed over their lifelong companionship.

“Well, I normally have 6 to 10 appointments lined up in one day, so 36 to 60 appointments in one work week. From those appointments, I’d estimate there to be probably 3 to 5 in one work week that escalate to violence,” Toni shrugs slightly, but Howard has paled and leaned back, hands unconsciously coming up from her own to rest on top of her face. 

“Annie,” he breathes out before leaning his head down and scrunching his knees up to pull her into a hug.

Toni returns the hug as tightly as their awkward position can allow. “I know that you’re worried, Howie, but I’m sending my message. I don’t start the fights, but I end them. People are starting to gather that. Besides,” Toni adds, shrugging around their embrace, “I think I’m getting near the end of the line of pervs. It’s slowed down significantly in that area since I sent you that letter.”

“I know you are, Annie. There’s no one I know more capable of protecting themselves than you, but damn if that doesn’t stop me from losing sleep over the thought of you here, by yourself, surrounded by men who want to hurt you,” he admits, curling tighter into their embrace.

“I’m sorry I’m worrying you so much, Howie. And we both know I can’t promise I’ll always be safe. But Howard, these men are just as dangerous outside of their homes as they are inside of them. They definitely have more confidence to try something in their own homes, but the… desire,” Toni shudders at the grossly lacking word to describe their disgusting urges, “would be there if I were to cross their path in the street. All women have to deal with pervy men. I simply have to do so more than the average woman because I enter many homes,” Toni shrugs. 

“. . . Is that supposed to make me feel better?” he asks, releasing Toni and pursing his lips at her. 

“No. I don’t think there’s much I can say to make you feel better short of ‘I’m going to cease being a repairman’ or ‘I’m moving to Manhattan, want to be roomies?’. And neither of those will be comin’ outta my mouth anytime soon,” Toni snorts and Howard considers her for a moment. 

“What did I do to deserve such a tenacious sister, huh? What gods have I offended?” Howard smirks and stands, dumping Toni onto the ground and dancing to his bag, away from her flailing limbs. 

“You have offended me, and I am a goddess in my own right,” Toni mutters from her position on the ground. 

“Well, oh so great one,” Howard teasingly mocks her, setting his bag next to her face, “I brought you a gift, brat, and _ not _ to satisfy your godly demands.”

Toni jumps excitedly to her feet, snatching up the bag and charging to her dining table. “Is it the new schematics for the hover car? Or that dehydration chamber you we-” Toni cuts off, simply staring at the object in her hands. A shiny silver microphone stares back at her, big enough to rest completely in both of her hands and weighty enough that Toni’s forearms are clenched tight. It’s fastened to a very short but wide stand, covered in small squiggle designs, turned into a chachki for display. Toni simply looks up at Howard, question clear in her eyes. 

“Look closer at the base, Annie,” Howard’s voice has dropped to a soft whisper, eyes full of love and longing. 

Startled, Toni follows his command and promptly freezes up, tears filling her eyes. She blinks them away so she can read more of the gorgeous words circling the base, words of love and longing, words of tranquility and contentment, words of loyalty and devotion. Their mother’s songs circle the microphone, words so small and tight to fit as much as possible in and Toni can just _ hear _ the dulcet tones of her Mama intermingled with the smooth baritone of her Papa. 

“It’s been a year today,” Howard’s voice pulls Toni from her memories. She looks up to find the same wetness from her face trapped in his eyes. She sets the precious gift back into his bag and stands, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“Is it easier for you? To be away from Richford?” his voice is muffled in her hair and Toni’s heart aches somehow harder at his question. She has to swallow the lump in her throat before she can answer him.

“In a way. It _ is _ a relief to be away from the townsfolk. They wanted to talk about Mama and Papa all the time. I couldn’t… I couldn’t get away from it. The grief. I said my goodbyes at the funeral, but I still miss them. I see them in everything, Howie. Mama’s voice joins the carolers. Papa’s hands touch mine every time I pick up my tool bag. I taste their cooking in every meal I make. It was like that in Richford, too, but it’s a blessing her in Brooklyn. It felt more like a curse back there.” Toni admits quietly, guilt tearing through her chest. She never would have dreamed of betraying Richford as a child, but the thought of returning made her ill.

“And you, Howie? How are you faring?” Toni pulls back to grip his face and look into his eyes, not trusting him to “burden” her with his emotions on his own. 

“It’s about the same for me. I miss them so much… all the time. I had been gone for years by the time they died, but it all came rushing back in. I always knew they were there. That they were proud, that they were cheering for me, that they would support and love me even if… even if I couldn’t pull it off. I took them for granted, Annie, and now they’re gone. I _ left _ when you guys needed me the most, I fucking _ left _ Antoinette. I never even,” a sob works its way from his throat, “I never even thanked them once for being so amazing,” Howard breaks down against Toni and she falls back onto the loveseat, bringing him down with her. 

Toni just rubs his back and lets him get it all out. Her shirt grows wet and heavy, but she just pulls him tighter to her. They lay this way for hours, soaking each other in. 

Eventually, Howard begins to pull back. Toni follows him up and grabs his wrist before he can fully stand. 

“Wait- Howie,” her voice is hoarse, but she pushes through, “I need you to know- they knew. They knew how much you loved and appreciated them. Every letter you sent home, every update you gave was met with smiles and pride. They _ knew _ , so don’t you dare think they died thinking you’d left us behind. They _ wanted _ it for you Howard, and they trusted you to make it happen. You didn’t abandon us, none of us _ ever _ felt that way. You were making us proud, Howie. You’re still making us proud. Me, right here in Brooklyn, and Mama and Papa, wherever they are.” Toni smiles at Howard, gripping his hands like a vice before standing and kissing his hairline. 

“Now. Enough of this. Mama and Papa would have tanned our hides if they saw us laying around for hours like this,” Toni smirks, walking to the bathroom. "Now, we're going over to meet the Briggs." She spins around in the bathroom doorway.

“I call first bath, then you can clean yourself up and you can meet my first friends.” Toni closes the door, his gobsmacked face the last thing she sees. 

* * *

Howard stays with Toni for a grand total of three days before he has to zoom off to another business conference. 

He left feeling no better about her work situation, but knowing that there was naught either of them could really do. She had taken him around the city, introducing him to the people who meant the most to her in terms of friendship. 

Howard had met the Briggs who, of course, loved him to bits. From then on, Toni introduced Howard to Joey Cartwright, the owner of the diner on Newport with the amazing milkshakes whose Jukebox she’s repaired more than once, Patricia Cuddy, the clumsy school teacher whose enthusiasm for Toni’s intelligence almost parallels Mama and Papa’s, and Beatrice Cook, the quick witted and smile-ready factory worker who keeps Toni company when the machines need maintenanced. Besides the Briggs, they’re all really work friends. They make Toni happy, though, so she still includes them in her and Howard’s exploration of the town. 

Toni showed Howard some of her favorite haunts, including a couple alley ways where she’d had to beat up some jerks. 

“I thought you only beat people up if they touch you inappropriately? They did that in _ public _?” Howard’s voice is warring between outraged and confused.

“Nah, that’s only at work. If I meet a mouthy fella, I show him how to be a lady. Besides, I’m not the only woman in the city that men feel they can take advantage of,” Toni looks straight forward as she says this, knowing how Howard will react.

“I thought you didn’t start fights, but finished them, Annie,” he teases her, catching her by surprise. She’d expected anger, or at least irritation, for her involvement. 

“They start the fights when they open their fat mouths, Howie. They start the fights when they think they can put their hands on a woman without her permission. They start the fights when they lack the common human decency it takes for a person to not be a complete and total asshole.” And Toni’s feelings on the subject are made clear. 

Howard also went to work with Toni on the day before he left, smiling sharply at anyone who seemed put off by his presence. She let it slide for the day, simultaneously warmed and irritated by his protective behavior. Howard knows she can take care of herself. That’s the only reason she didn’t give him a piece of her mind and a glance of her fist. 

Their last night is spent at Joey’s diner, chuckling over empty milkshake glasses and the cold remnants of a plate of french fries. 

Toni forces her money on Joey, who tries to wave her off.

“You’ve helped me so much, Toni, I ain’t takin’ that money,” he points a spatula at her, mock threatening her. 

Toni and Howard meet eyes on either side of Joey’s spatula and break out in shit eating grins. 

“Count of three?” 

“You know it, brother.” Joey points the spatula at them each in turn, suspicion lighting his eyes.

“1… 2… 3!” They both leap up, money left on the counter as they sprint from the diner, laughs knocking around the snowflakes drifting from the navy winter sky. 

The next morning is quiet, but good. Neither wants to part, but both know the other will always be there should it be necessary.

Howard parts with words from his favorite song, the third performance from their parents. 

“Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you, sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you,” his smile is warm, and Toni thinks that maybe this weekend helped him heal, if only a bit.

“But in your dreams, whatever they may be, dream a little dream of me,” Toni answers, smile wide enough the split her freckled cheeks right in half. 

“I expect those designs back within the month, Annie!” he calls over his shoulder as he descends the stairs, bag in hand, smirk typical, jaunty Howard. 

“Give me some time, Howie, I’m making them better than you ever could!” she calls back, smirk even bigger than his, knowing that he’d see it for the joke she meant it to be. 

_ Yeah, Starks are made of iron, but iron needs to be reinforced every now and then. _

Her smile stays on her face for weeks to come. 

* * *

Mary Ellen Johnson is an incredibly kind woman. She’s only one year older than Toni, and she has to be the sunniest, most lovable girl Toni had ever met. Her and her parents, Ray and Lucy, are some of the wealthier people in Brooklyn. They always insist on paying Toni in full for her services, and they donate often to the homeless shelters. Toni likes them all quite a bit, so when she hears them arguing, she can’t help but listen in from her spot shoulders deep in their icebox.

“Ma, Pa, I _ know _ , truly, I understand. But I’m 20. It’s about time I get a job, move out, learn some independence. I love you both so much, you know this, but I can’t live with you my entire life. I need to strike out, be my own person, earn my way,” Mary Ellen’s voice is stronger than anything Toni’s ever heard from the typically bubbly woman. Toni compares her to the sun often in her mind, but she somehow overlooked that the sun _ burns _ far away from the warmth her and everybody else feels from it. It’s beautiful, and Toni feels connected to Mary Ellen in a way she never had before. 

“Maybe… maybe you can get a job, Mary Ellen. Start slow. Get a job while living here, then, eventually, you can move out,” Lucy suggests hopefully. It’s easy to tell that they’ve been having this argument for a while now. As well off people, they had the luxury of coddling their daughter well into adulthood. Even if she doesn’t want it. 

“No, Ma. I need to do this. I need to be independent. It doesn’t mean you guys lose me. I swear, it doesn’t. I’ll still be in Brooklyn, you’ll still see me.” Ray smiles warmly at Mary Ellen and turns to Lucy, pride shining in his eyes. 

“She’s right, Lucy. She wants to enter the world, a woman in more than age. Who are we to stop her from doing that?” 

Lucy just stares at Ray for a moment before studying Mary Ellen.

“Good God,” she whispers, before sighing and speaking up. “Okay. Okay, if that’s what you want, you should do it.” Lucy swallows before sending her daughter a watery smile, reluctant pride in her eyes. 

“You guys won’t regret this, and neither will I, I swear,” Mary Ellen smiles the sun-shiniest smile Toni’s ever seen and starts to babble about her options.

She mentions factories and restaurants and houses and continues to speak 80 miles and hour. With every new word out of Mary Ellen’s mouth, Toni watches Ray and Lucy grow further alarmed, further back into their original stance.

Toni steps in before she can truly think it through.

“I have room in my apartment, Mary Ellen.” Toni’s words take Mary Ellen by surprise before she lights right up. 

“Truly, Toni? You would be my roommate?” She seems to be vibrating in her excitement, and Toni can’t hold back the chuckle that sneaks from her mouth.

“I don’t see why not. We already know we get along, plus I wouldn’t mind help paying rent every month. I even know someone who needs an employee, if you’re interested,” Toni barely makes it through the sentence before she has a lap full of Mary Ellen, squealing into her neck. 

“It’s perfect, don’t you guys think?” She turns back to her parents, who seem to have caught their breath and are looking at Toni with gratitude.

They’ve come to trust and genuinely like Toni. They know Mary Ellen will be safe with her. 

“What’s this job, Toni?” Mary Ellen controls her squeal long enough to ask.

“Joey Cartwright over at the diner on Newport needs a new waitress. I told him I’d keep an eye out. That sound good to you?”

Judging from the giant grin on her face, Mary Ellen is very much interested.

From that day on, Toni has a friend.

* * *

By the autumn of 1939, things have gotten better for Toni.

Mary Ellen has become everything Toni didn’t know she needed. She mends Toni’s knuckles after a long day, is amazing at baking (like holy hell so good), and gives Toni another woman to confide in things of which she was reluctant to share with her brother. Calling her a friend almost isn’t enough most days, so she’s upgraded to sister status. She got along with Blanche right away, the two going together like fire on a house. Lenny also loves Mary Ellen, who shares her love for reading. Ernest isn’t forthcoming with his emotions often, but it’s easy to tell he likes her. 

Work has also gotten better. 

Sure, she still deals with the odd pervert and her fights outside of her job never really slow down, but she’s become as much of a staple in Brooklyn’s community as she had been in Richford. The people know her, they respect her, and they like her. She feels more at home in Brooklyn than she did in a parentless Richford. 

A lot of customers hire her with the intention of testing her, seeing if her recommendations are accurate. When she lives up to them, those skeptics turn into believers, and she gets more recommendations. 

She stops by her post office box on the way home to see if any new appointments have been submitted when she sees a letter from Howard. Smiling, she resists the urge to tear into it then and there, withholding only because there might be sensitive data within. Howard had contacted her a couple months ago with the amazing news that he’s done it.

In late winter of 1939, Stark Industries was established with hopes of revitalizing and revolutionizing the way ordinary people live. It didn’t take long for all of Howard’s years of hard work and dedication to pay off, becoming a multi-million dollar company within a few months of conception. 

His name rose to stardom soon after, and Toni is somewhat relieved when not many people in Brooklyn make the connection between the two of them. She’s extremely proud of her brother, but she doesn’t want that sort of attention. She’s gotten some mail from some of the citizens of Richford, exclaiming their pride in Howard, and she happily forwards those letters on with her own, wanting her brother to feel the love of their past as much as he should. 

Toni makes it home in record time, opening the door to an empty apartment. Mary Ellen has the late shift tonight, so Toni can spread her brother’s letter out and really take it in. 

_ Dear Annie, _

_ It’s good to hear that Mary Ellen’s moving up in the diner. Assistant manager is impressive, no matter how much she insists that it’s nothing, and you make sure to tell her I said that, too! _

Howard had yet to meet Mary Ellen, but he was a big fan of her purely based on how much “livelier” Toni has seemed since becoming her friend. Mary Ellen is also a fan of Howard. Toni sometimes catches her just… looking at the picture of Howard and Toni that she had insisted be taken the last time he came to visit. When Toni interrupts, she turns bright red and scuttles away, making excuses to leave the room. 

Toni just thinks it’s adorable.

_ Have you thought about my offer more thoroughly, yet? I could use such a brilliant engineer out here to build this company even higher and there’s absolutely no one I trust more than you, Annie. Just… think it through, okay? I know you’ve never really been too terribly interested in joining the company, but the people don’t need the cheap repairman anymore, they need their brilliant inventor. _

The Depression had ended a couple months after the establishment of Stark Industries, and Howard’s adamant that Toni’s prices and discounts don’t have to be so drastic anymore. Toni politely disagrees. 

_ Speaking of the company, some of my researches have found this absolutely wondrous metal called Vibranium. They found it in Africa, and Annie, I swear, it’s some of the most amazing material I’ve ever worked with. It’s stronger than steel but one third of its weight. It absorbs all vibrations completely. I think I’ll demonstrate it in a showcase that’s coming up in California next year. The only issue is that it’s very hard to come by, so I can’t realistically incorporate it into the company. It will have to be saved for something particularly special. I have managed to send you the readings on it, go buck wild, brat. _

_ Moving on to the issues of fellas. Annie, you can’t give up. You’re so young, little sister. You’re only a half month from 20 years old and you already act so defeated. They all sound like complete jerks so far, but you’ll find someone soon, I can feel it. You’ve been persistent in every other aspect of your life thus far. Are you really going to let a few measly little boys keep you from finding happiness? Because you certainly never have before. _

It’s true that Toni’s never let a few weasels stand in her way before, but this is… different. Toni hadn’t yet been able to find someone to accept her for who she is. She’s bold, sassy personality wise, spitting out sarcastic comments the moment a man questions her position in the community or doubts her intelligence. Some have called her defensive- mainly Howard and Mary Ellen- but Toni likes to say she’s on top of the game.

Mary Ellen has found out how to have fun in her independence, and she dates quite often and rarely seriously. She’s dragged Toni on more double dates than Toni cares to admit, all ending in Toni storming away from the scene with an embarrassed and infuriated flush on her face and Mary Ellen staying at her dates for the night, getting a good pounding that she’ll insist upon sharing with Toni the next day. She doesn’t understand why Toni doesn’t just lose her virginity to one of the many men with whom she’s been set up.

“Yeah, he wasn’t very nice, but did you see his chest? Or those thighs? He coulda made an honest woman outta you, Toni.” For such a bright and happy person, she can get surprisingly dirty when she wants to. 

Toni wants what her parents had. Love, devotion, total acceptance, and just… clicking so easily and naturally. She doesn’t want to just find someone with a shit personality and big muscles then go to town. That’s not what she wants, not in any way.

“I want something genuine, Mary Ellen. It wouldn’t be fun for me knowing that they only wanted my body.”

Mary Ellen lets it go for now, but Toni can just feel her devious plans forming from across the room.

_ Anyway, I’ve got to go, Annie. You know, places to be, people to meet. _

_ Keep your head up. I love you. _

_ Howard _

Toni can’t help but smile fondly at his hasty goodbye. He’s been extremely busy since he opened for business, but he still always finds time to write her. Setting the letter aside, she has just enough time to read through the first chart on vibranium before there’s a knock at her door. Lenny waits on the other side.

It’s been a good year for Lenny. She shot right up with the miracle of puberty and her head reaches Toni’s shoulder now. She had quietly begun to develop, and her mother couldn’t be more excited about it. For Lenny’s 13th birthday back in May, Toni had gifted her with a beautiful copy of the old poem _ Beowulf _ as well as J.R.R. Tolkien’s lecture on said poem. Lenny had nearly died of excitement, hugging Toni around the waist and squealing loudly enough to bring up their grumpy downstairs neighbors. 

Today seems to be no different. 

“Toni, Toni, Toni! Let’s go visit Mary Ellen at work and get milkshakes!” She’s lunged forward to grab at Toni’s waist, grinning up excitedly at her with big green eyes and a hopeful little smile. That’s playing dirty because Lenny knows that if she makes that face Toni will cave no matter the request. 

“Ugh, fine. I have to ask your parents, first, kiddo. If they say, then we can go.” Toni points at Lenny, a faux stern look sitting neatly on her face. Lenny just rolls her eyes in response. 

Once they have gained permission from Blanche, they’re off to the diner. Toni’s still in her work coveralls and some grease is streaked up her arm. Lenny’s in her regular school clothes, but both are relaxed and happy, laughing the whole way to the diner. 

“Well if it isn’t my favorite ladies! Welcome, welcome!” Mary Ellen stands up from where she’d been leaning on the counter in front of a rather tall muscular man. While she’s beaming now, Toni had seen that look before. That’s Mary Ellen’s patented “We’re Going To Have Sex At Some Point” smile. And it works every time. 

Toni eyes the man and then Mary Ellen, eyebrows up with a shit eating grin stretched over her face. Toni loves watching Mary Ellen when she’s on the prowl. It’s one of the most fascinating scenes Toni can ever watch, but then she remembers Lenny, who has already enthusiastically sat down as close to Mary Ellen as she can. So… right next to big, strong, and brunette. 

Toni sighs and plops herself down on the other side of Lenny, smiling up at Mary Ellen apologetically. 

“Hey Sunshine, I had just gotten home from work when pipsqueak over here demanded come here. For the milkshakes only, it had absolutely nothing to do with you.” Toni smiles and laughs when Mary Ellen smacks her shoulder, leaning away and behind Lenny, using her as a human shield.

“No! Go for the child, not me!” Lenny laughs and joins in, so now both Mary Ellen and Lenny are smacking at Toni. 

“Gah! What is this, National ‘Let’s All Abuse Toni and Bruise Up Her Precious, Precious Shoulders Day’?” Toni stands and flounces away from the smacking hands, walking backwards and directly into someone, sending both of them sprawling to the floor. 

“Shit, fuck, oh my God, I am so sorry!” Toni scrambles off of the person immediately, standing and dragging them up with her. Her face is bright red and she sees the grease from her arm smeared all over the person’s white button up shirt. 

“Oh, God, and I got a bunch of grease on your white shirt! Jesus, I am so sorry,” Toni groans, keeping her face bent down as she wipes at the stains, only succeeding in spreading the black around. 

The deep voice that answers her vibrates under her hands as she wipes at what she now realizes is a man’s chest, though it is an inch or so below her own chest. 

“Oh, it’s fine ma’am, please don’t worry about it. It was my fault, I should have been looking where I was walking.” Slender hands with long, graceful fingers grab her hands to take them off his chest, and Toni’s eyes shoot up to meet the bluest eyes she had ever seen. 

The man she’s now staring at is turning red under his soft looking blonde hair, eyes flitting awkwardly to his feet as he bites his lower lip. His slender shoulders and skinny arms are covered in a tan jacket that accentuates his lithe form, his head stopping just below Toni’s eye level. 

His eyes meet Toni’s again and her chest aches. His baby blues are wide and wary, a fire buried deep inside that burns brighter than anything she’s ever seen, and in this moment, Toni is the reckless, enchanted moth unable to stay away.

“... ni? Hey! Toni? Toni! Hey, are you alright?” 

Toni snaps to attention, gasping for breath. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath. She looks away from the man in front of her just as tall, strong, and brunette gets up and checks on him, grabbing his shoulder and asking if he’s okay. 

Toni looks back at the counter to see Lenny bent over at the waist trying to keep her laughs in. Mary Ellen, however, is darting her eyes between Toni and Baby Blues, a slow smile growing. She turns hopeful eyes on Toni, flicking them back to the man, a question in her eyes. 

The scalding blush that returns with a vengeance is enough answer for Mary Ellen’s grin to turn toothy, the sun bursting from her eyes. Toni can only look down, refusing to encourage the hopeful burn rising in her chest.

“Hey, Mary Ellen, we gotta go,” Toni turns to see the man Mary Ellen had been flirting with with a hand on Baby Blue’s arm, seemingly supporting him. 

_ Oh God, I hurt Baby Blues when I landed with my full weight on his chest, Jesus Christ, that would hurt anyone, let alone this man, fuck how did I already fuck this up? _

“Okay, Bucky. I’ll, uh… talk to you later?” Toni’s too busy staring in horror at Baby Blues to notice the meaningful glance in her direction, then Baby Blues’ as the man, Bucky, it seems, dons a large, shit eating grin very similar to Toni’s not even five minutes earlier. 

“Definitely.”

The men turn to walk away and Toni can’t keep in her call after them. “Sorry again!”

“It was my fault, again,” Baby Blues’ eyes are red and his deep voice comes out a little wheezy, but his small smile as he turns back to her is the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. 

They exit as Toni’s answering smile stretches goofily over her face. 

Dimly in the background, she hears Mary Ellen mutter something about lost causes to Lenny, but she’s too blissed out to truly notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Yeah, bois, that’s chapter three for ya! I used a The Mamas and The Papas song called “Dream a Little Dream of Me” for Toni and Howard’s parents’ song. I thought I was being clever lol
> 
> Chapter 4 in the works!
> 
> Reviews are accepted and appreciated!


	4. The Rush of Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni and Steve have finally met. Where to go now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye bois, chapter 4 comin’ attcha. In this chapter, we will explore Steve and Toni. Fuckin NICE
> 
> I do not own anything associated with Marvel or Marvel itself.

Toni has never been more conflicted in her life. 

Once the haze left by Baby Blues wore off, Toni was left, cold and confused, with a laughing child and a grinning woman. The normally sweet milkshake had tasted like bile in her mouth and she hadn’t been able to shake the scowl from her face for the rest of the night. 

_ I just don’t understand. Two minutes with the guy and he’s all I can think about? The fuck? _

It’s been a week since “The Incident” as Mary Ellen and Lenny have so lovingly dubbed it, and with every passing day, Toni’s chest has gotten tighter. She’s written Howard three letters already, each more hysterical than the last in her attempts to rationalize how she reacted to Baby Blues, as is his official name. The letters include passages such as “_And, Howie, I swear, this guy just??? Takes the blame??? And apologizes to me??? What????”_ and “_I hurt him, too, did I tell you that? I landed directly on his chest and he was having trouble breathing, but he was still so nice? And THOSE EYES?_” and “_I looked at him fucking once what the hell is wrong with me, CHRIST_” and “_HOWIE, WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY TO TURN ME TO MUSH, FUCK NO, I DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM_”. 

Needless to say, after a week of terrified confusion, Toni has turned to anger to cope.

“I hope I never see him again,” Toni declares, glaring down at the schematics she had been ignoring in her hands. 

Mary Ellen, who had, up until then, been quietly reading next to Toni, startles, the silence broken having been held for hours. 

“Who?” she blinks, lost at Toni’s sudden, intense declaration.

“Baby Blues. You know, short, blonde, and slim? Never again.” Toni continues to glare at the hover car schematics, jaw twitching with the intensity of her pout. 

“That’s not true.” Mary Ellen just looks back down at her book as she says this, clearly not in the mood for another round of this discussion. 

“Umm… yes it is?” Toni’s words are indignant. 

Mary Ellen huffs out her frustration. “No. It’s not.” Patience gone. 

“You’re not me, you don’t know wh-” and Toni is mercilessly cut off.

“No, Toni, I’m not you, but I  _ know _ you. You’re scared, Toni. You’ve been hurt, so you’re scared. You like this guy a lot, too much, I’m betting, for how long “The Incident” was, but that just makes it worse. Because if he rejects you? Hurts you like the others have? Then it’ll hurt  _ so much worse _ .” Mary Ellen is panting, now standing and jabbing a finger at Toni as physical punctuation, book forgotten on the floor.

“But dammit, Toni, you’re the one who wants the “Ultimate Love” that your parents had. Have you never considered the risks it takes to get there? To find it, you could get hurt. You  _ will _ get hurt. But if you react like this with every genuine connection you feel, you’ll  _ never _ get what your parents had.” Mary Ellen is staring hard at Toni, hands on her hips and breathing somehow even harder.

Toni can only sit, speechless in the face of Mary Ellen’s fire. She’d seen it before, but never directed at her. She gulps and, to her shame, feels tears welling up in her eyes. She looks down quickly, shuffling the pages in her hand to hide her face.

“Toni,” Mary Ellen breathes out, dropping back down next to her and pulling the papers from her hands. “I’m not saying this to upset you, honey. I just think that this might be a golden moment for you. Toni, I’ve watched you close up more and more with each new guy. One look from this guy and I watch every single one of your walls crumble around you. That’s… that’s special, Toni. I just don’t want you to throw it away because you’re scared in the face of what you’ve always wanted.” Mary Ellen hugs Toni with a drowning grip.

“But  _ why? _ ” Toni’s voice is unbearably small, a mockery of her usual brazen quips. “All I did was look at him, Sunny. Look at him, and I was fucking  _ gone _ ,” Toni’s chest tightens even more and her breaths are coming out in gasps, tears still streaming down her face. “I know nothing about him! He could be the biggest jerk in the world. He could hate me like the rest of them. He could be the one to destroy me.”

“Oh, Toni.” She’s fully pressed against her best friend now, slowly being rocked back and forth by the gentle woman. “Did he seem like that kind of guy when he was tripping over himself to assure you that it wasn’t your fault that you bodily tackled him to the ground?” Mary Ellen ignores Toni’s indignant huff and smiles gently at her, “Besides that, Toni, this, whatever you’re feeling? It doesn’t have to make sense. You wanted the same natural click that your parents had? Personally, I think you found it, babe.”

Toni contemplates the words of wisdom for a few moments, Mary Ellen allowing Toni the silence such concentration demands. 

“I just don’t know.” Toni’s eyes fall shut and she collapses forward, face resting heavily in her hands. 

Mary Ellen rubs Toni’s back with a sigh. “Tell ya what, pumpkin. In the midst of all of your angst the past few days, I got us a double date set up.”

Toni’s head shoots up, alarm and trepidation clear on her face. “What?! But Mary Ellen, you just sai-” and she’s, once again, mercilessly cut off. 

“I know what I said. I set up the date while you were still angry, not coming around to it. I had hoped a date would make you realize your feelings for the guy, but it looks like you already got there on your own if your reaction is anything to go by.” Mary Ellen’s hands are held up in surrender, eyebrows practically touching her hairline.

Toni knows a challenge when she sees one.

“I have come to no realizations. When is it?” Toni’s eyes take on a hard, determined gleam.

_ Baby Blues can’t happen. That was too much too fast. He practically owned me for that two minute interaction. Too risky. _

Mary Ellen beams her usual rays of sunshine. “Saturday! We’re going to dinner, then dancing, with James and Steve, mine and yours respectively. We meet them at the diner at 6!”

Toni’s resolve cracks for a moment at the mention of the diner.

_ NO! Not there, not where Baby Blues and I met. That’s too much too soon, I can’t try to get over him if that’s all I’ll be able to think about.  _

Then Toni realizes what she’s thinking. She’s not happy about it. 

_ FUCK I can’t just do that? Avoid the diner? That’s where Baby Cakes works, I fix the fuckin’ jukebox every other week. I have to face this now… I’m going to have to wow this Steve guy if I want to get over Baby Blues. _

“O-okay. I think I’ll buy a new dress for this- you in?” Toni snaps her eyes to Mary Ellen’s face and doesn’t even have to get the verbal confirmation to know she’s in.

Mary Ellen still squeals loudly.

* * *

_ Howie. _

_ Okay, so, sorry about the previous letters. This will be the last one I send until I get a reply from you, I swear.  _

_ I’m going on a double date with Mary Ellen. The guys names are James and Steve. Mine’s Steve. It’s this saturday. We’re going to dinner and dancing. This will be my chance to try to forget Baby Blues.  _

_ The chances of ever running into him again are low anyway. This is for the best. Move on so I don’t obsess over him anymore.  _

_ Okay, again, last on Baby Blues. Hopefully.  _

_ Love, Annie _

_ P.s. I’m still working on the hover car schematics. I’ve drawn up my own schematics for something I’d like you to see, as well. I’ll include them with the hover car schematics. _

* * *

Toni looks into the mirror as she applies her bright red lipstick, chocolate eyes squinting in her concentration. She had let her natural curls fall to her collarbone, only controlling the frizziness to create a smooth roasted umber waterfall. The dress she wears is the same red of her lipstick, clinging to her bust and waist before falling silkily around her curves, stopping just below her knee. 

Slipping on her heels and grabbing her clutch, Toni nervously walks through the bedroom door and to the living room, waiting for Mary Ellen to finish up in the bathroom. A few minutes later, she walks out.

Mary Ellen is a beautiful girl, and tonight is no different. Her ginger hair is curled and kept short in an expertly styled bob, crystal eyes striking under light eyeliner. A mild blue dress falls along her willowy frame, catching her in just the right places. She’s the picture of sophisticated grace, and Toni doesn’t keep her compliments to herself.

“Damn, Sunshine, you’re looking like a dream tonight! I’m sure this James fellow will be tripping over himself on the way to your bed.” Toni waggles her eyebrows and giggles when Mary Ellen smiles proudly and in complete agreement. 

“Yes, I’m a catch, and James knows it. It’ll definitely be a fun night. Let’s go!” Mary Ellen grabs her purse and Toni’s hand, excitedly skipping into the hallway. 

“Mary Ellen, our coats!” Toni pulls back before grabbing both of their coats.

“No time for weather concerns, Toni, I’ve got a man to seduce!”

Toni laughs, but she’s soon subdued by the anxiety and guilt bubbling up in her stomach. Can she do this? Can she actually not explore Baby Blues at all?

The closer and closer they get to the diner, the worse Toni feels. It kind of makes her angry. 

_ What? What is it about Baby Blues that is doing this? Why on God’s green earth am I so drawn to him? Who is he? Why do I even C A R E? _

Toni squeezes her arm tighter through Mary Ellen’s and steels her resolve. 

_ Starks are made of iron. Baby Blues does not bring me down. I will have fun tonight. This Steve man will be not a jerk, and I will forget all about Baby Blues.  _

The cold air around Toni turns warm and she realizes they’ve entered the diner while she was angsting through her thoughts. 

“Toni! Mary Ellen! You ladies are looking lovely tonight!” Joey calls from the window to the kitchen, grinning at the girls. 

“Thanks, Joey baby!” Toni calls back, sending a playful wink and laughing with Joey and Mary Ellen. Her eyes catch and linger on the spot her and Baby Blues collided, but she’s pulled from her reverie by a shout. 

“Mary Ellen!” The girls turn toward the shout, grins still bright on their faces when Toni freezes. 

Baby blue eyes meet chocolate eyes and Toni feels like she’s drawing a full breath for the first time since the two met.

He’s there, standing next to Big, Muscular, and Brunette. Bucky, Toni recalls. He’s dressed similarly to the night of The Incident, but his face is red, eyeing her anxiously. His eyes still take her breath away, and the nervous little smile playing at his mouth absolutely  _ melts _ her. 

And then Mary Ellen joins her view and she realizes she’s just been stood in front of the counter, gaping at the blonde man. Then Mary Ellen and Bucky sit down at the table and Toni is confused. 

_ Where are our dates? Why is Mary Ellen sitting down with Bucky and Baby Blues? Well, I guess Baby Blues is still standing and just looking at me. Rather expectantly, actually, and why would that b- OH MY GOD HE’S MY DATE.  _

Toni’s breath restarts, chest stuttering in her negligence. She starts to numbly, slowly step forward, feeling somewhat like a cautious baby deer taking its first steps. 

_ I don’t understand, I thought that guy’s name was Bucky?... Well fucking duh, no parent would name their child Bucky, it must be a nickname. But from James? How’s that possible? OH MY GOD BABY BLUE’S NAME IS STEVE and doesn’t that just feel right somehow? _

Toni makes it to the table now, and she’s looking nowhere but Baby Blues’ eyes. 

“Toni, it’s a pleasure to officially meet you. I’m Steve” As if the eyes weren’t killing her enough, the deep voice sinks straight to her soul and vibrates there, warm and  _ right _ . His hand is held out, and Toni can’t do anything but stare at it for a moment.

_ Fuck me if I don’t love the way my name comes out of his mouth. _

Mary Ellen steps in.

“Toni, Steve, it’s so great you two are finally meeting!” Her voice is bright, and it pulls Toni out of her trance enough to gather some thoughts that aren’t rambling messes.

Mary Ellen knew. Mary Ellen set Toni up on a date with Baby Blues and  _ didn’t tell her _ . Toni doesn’t know whether to be mad or grateful, so she goes with mad.

“Mary Ellen. I need to go to the powder room. Join me?” Her words are spoken through gritted teeth. Mary Ellen nods quickly, shooting an apologetic smile to the boys before following Toni, who is halfway there with her large angry stomps, to the powder room in the corner. 

“Toni-”

“No! No, I don’t want to hear your justifications! You deliberately didn’t tell me we were on a double date with Baby Blues and his friend. Mary Ellen, you know how twisted up I’ve been because of this guy and you just throw me to the wolves, no warning? No preparation? What the fuck?” Toni keeps her volume controlled and hard until the ending exclamation, when she turns admittedly shrill. 

“Would you have come if you knew it was him? Hm?” Mary Ellen isn’t taking Toni’s shit laying down, her finger, once again, jabbing at Toni.

“Of course not! That’s the point! Mary Ellen, I don’t feel in control around this guy! Everything rational flies from my head, I go hazy, it can’t be healthy!” Toni argues back with just as much fire as Mary Ellen, arms flying about dramatically. 

“Oh my god, Toni, what do you think attraction is? You get nervous, you say dumb things, you trip over yourself, you try so hard not to screw it up then do it anyway! You are attracted to him and that  _ could _ turn into feelings if you would just give it a chance!” Mary Ellen is whisper shouting now.

“. . . but I’m scared,” Toni’s whisper is smaller than anything that’s ever come out of her mouth, and it makes her feel smaller in consequence. 

“I know you are. You’re taking a big risk tonight, and I’m proud of you for even considering staying.” Toni looks at Mary Ellen with big eyes and Mary Ellen sighs into a small, triumphant smile. 

“You’ll be with me the entire night?”

“I’m offended you think I’d ever miss what a trainwreck you’re about to be,” her words are soft and teasing, and Toni lets the tension fall from her shoulders. “Didn’t take much to convince you to stick this out, Toni. Maybe come to some realizations lately?” 

“Oh, hush.” Toni glares weakly in Mary Ellen’s direction before stumbling to the mirror.

She swallows heavily. “Did you see him?  _ Fuck _ I’ve never seen a man look so good.” Her voice is hoarse and she misses Mary Ellen’s smile while she checks her face in the mirror. 

“Okay Beauty Queen, we’ve been in here long enough.” And Mary Ellen pulls Toni out the door, letting her go once they’re in view of the table again. 

Toni’s eyes shoot to Steve and she’s worried to find him staring at the table rather dejectedly as Bucky- James- whatever his name is- whispers to him. 

She strides to the table and stops next to her chair right as the boys stand back up.

She shoves her hand out and smiles nervously. “Hello, I’m Toni. It’s an absolute pleasure to officially meet you. I’m sorry about all that- stomach issues.” Toni seems to realize what she says just as Baby Blues moves to shake her hand, and she winces at her loose mouth. 

“Don’t worry about it, Toni. I’m Steve, and the pleasure is all mine.” The fingers that grip hers are just as long and graceful as she remembers, and warm to boot. 

“Toni, this is Bucky. Bucky, Toni.” Mary Ellen interrupts before Toni can caress the hand in hers, and, for that, Toni is grateful.

“Oh, Bucky, is it? I thought it was James?” Toni twists her face into an innocently confused mask, ignoring Mary Ellen’s rolling eyes in her peripheral. 

Bucky laughs at Toni’s petulance. “The middle names’ Buchanan. Never did like the name James much.” His smile is warm and Toni gains a bit of respect for this man. 

“Good to know.” Toni’s answering smile is just as warm. She turns back to Steve as they all sit, mind drawing a blank once their eyes meet again. 

They just stare at each other, and Toni hazily realizes that he seems to be equally as affected by her as she is him. 

It’s a comforting thought. 

“Toni, Mary Ellen, Steve, Bucky, how are you now?” Their waitress, Stella, stops by their table with her order book in hand and wide smile on her face.

“Good, and you, Stella?” Mary Ellen is the one to answer, for which Toni is, once again, grateful. 

“Oh not so bad. What can I get for you all?”

They order their food, and Bucky and Mary Ellen immediately strike up a conversation, completely ignoring both Steve and Toni. 

“So, Baby Blues, what do you do?” Toni hopes she doesn’t sound as awkward as she feels. 

He blushes lightly, but answers nonetheless. “I attended art school last year, and I draw quite a bit. In way of a job, though, I’m an artistic consultant with the Grand Union Tea Company.”

Toni’s chest flutters. “You’re an artist? That’s amazing! What’s it like, being able to find the beauty in everything?” Toni’s always wished she could have the artistic view that her mother, and now Steve, had. 

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve seen plenty of ugly things. Not, uh, not so much right now though,” he stumbles a little through the line, and Toni nearly swoons.

_ Jesus, that was far from smooth. I might love him. _

Toni recovers quickly. “Yes, I’m definitely seeing plenty of beauty tonight, Baby Blues” her voice is a purr, and she leans forward, resting her chin on her hand and gazing into his eyes. 

He blushes, and Toni fucking  _ melts _ . 

“Oh, well, I’m,” he clears his throat nervously, “I’m glad you think so, ma’am. Not many usually do.” He’s looking at Toni like he’s warning her away, as if she  _ could _ be warned away.

Toni’s smile drops into a frown lightning quick, bodily recoiling from his self-conscious statement. 

“What do you mean?” Toni’s words come slowly, in stark contrast to her rapid blinking. 

Steve lets loose a weak laugh, complete with a self deprecating smile. “Women don’t exactly like a man they can step on, ma’am.”

Toni blinks furiously for a few moments before she shakes her head, clearing the multitude of curses from her brain to mouth filter. 

_ He’s been burned same as me. _

“Okay, first of all, it’s Toni, not ma’am. Second of all, and much more importantly, excuse me?! You can’t be serious right now. Really, you can’t be,” Toni insists when Steve’s eyebrows shoot up in obvious bafflement. 

“Have you ever even seen yourself? You’re the most attractive man I’ve ever seen! I literally lose myself for a few moments every time I look at you, it’s actually a little pathetic,” and now Toni’s staring at the table and ranting from the heart, maybe forgetting herself a little bit as her hands begin gesturing along with her words.

“I mean, Jesus, those eyes could suck me in for hours if no one snapped me out of it, and FUCK don’t get me started on your hair. I just want to touch it, it looks so goddamn soft and how is it so fucking shiny? And you just move so gracefully, and you look so good in that coat, like shit Baby Blues, let me breathe for more than a damn second. And, ugh, lordy, your smile has almost brought me to my knees every time it’s sent in my direction, so don’t get any ideas, mister. Well, actually, if you got  _ some _ ideas from that, I wouldn’t-”

“TONI!” Mary Ellen cuts her off, biting her lips to try to control her smile. “I think you gave him a heart attack,” she’s laughing now, and Toni looks up to see Steve eyeing her with wide eyes, clutching his chest as he seems to try to control his breathing.

Bucky seems to find this funnier than anyone else, head thrown back in a boisterous belly laugh. 

Toni blinks once. Twice. “Sorry, was that too much?”

Steve splutters before breaking out into his own laugh, much more breathless than Mary Ellen’s or Bucky’s, a large smile breaking out over his face like a rainbow after a three day storm. 

“Perhaps a bit, but the sentiment is much appreciated, Toni.” His voice has gone soft and the smile he shoots Toni is wide, pleased, and bashful. 

Toni tries to pull herself back in, but ends up just sighing. “I offer no apologies, it would have come out sooner or later.” She smiles shyly, a blush igniting her freckles. 

They fall into a comfortable silence, simply maintaining eye contact for a few moments. Steve blinks a couple times and opens his mouth to ask a question, but they’re interrupted before he could form a syllable.

“Toni?” she turns to see Joey, wringing his hands guiltily. “Hey, some idiot broke the jukebox again, is there any chance you could look at it?”

“Joey! We’re on dates right now! Plus, that’s a brand new dress she’s wearing, she’s not getting that masterpiece dirty!” Mary Ellen cuts in before Toni can answer, eyebrows raised as she turns challengingly to Toni. Toni is never one to back down from a challenge.

Toni just rolls her eyes. “Sunshine, calm down, it’s fine. Baby Blues, do you mind?” 

He seems confused, but shakes his head no anyway. 

Toni smiles nervously as she stands. “Joey, I don’t have my tools on me, got any in the back?” 

_ This is it. He’ll watch me fix this damned jukebox and decide he doesn’t want the freak with the tools. _

“Sure thing, Toni. Sorry to interrupt your date, but customers have been complaining since it broke.” Joey hurries through the swinging door as Toni walks to the jukebox on the other side of the restaurant.

“If you ruin that dress, I’m hiding your schematics for a week!” Mary Ellen calls after her, and Toni doesn’t have to look to know her hands are sternly rested on her hips.

“You can pry those schematics from my cold, dead hands, Sun Spot!” Toni calls over her shoulder, stopping in front of the jukebox. 

The lights have gone out, and, after testing the buttons, it’s proven that the song lists aren’t flipping. Sighing, Toni grabs the jukebox and maneuvers it around until the back is showing enough for her to open the panel in the back. 

“Here ya go, Toni.” Joey sets down the tool bag and a nickel for a free song before leaving for the kitchen, knowing Toni won’t want him to hover behind her. 

“Thanks, Joe!” she calls after him, digging for the screwdriver she’ll need. 

A few minutes pass and Toni’s elbow deep in wires when she feels a presence behind her. She immediately stiffens, but turns to find Steve, looking curiously past her and into the jukebox. 

“Baby Blues! Hey, I’m almost done here. Some kid probably just banged it around too much, not appreciative of how delicate such machinery can be.” Toni laughs nervously, spinning back to face the jukebox and waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Mary Ellen just told us you’re a genius with machines. That’s gotta be the neatest thing I’ve ever heard. I wish I could understand all’a that,” he admits, and Toni is turning from her work to gaze up at him in awe. 

“You… think it’s neat?” Her voice is shaky as she slowly stands, her gaze intense on his face. 

“Well, yeah! Is this what you do for a living?” His voice is earnest, his eyes holding genuine amazement and interest.

“Y-yeah. I’m a repairman. Lowest rates in Brooklyn,” Toni chuckles weakly, heart beating wildly.

“Oh yeah, I think I’ve heard of you! You fixed one of my coworkers’ telephone for practically free!” His eyes light up when he’s excited. Toni files that into her mental folder titled “Baby Blues”. 

“Is that so? I don’t fix many telephones. Was it Violet Scott? No? Arnold Roth? Ah! Yes, he was quite kind, if a bit quiet. He earned his discount with a quiet regaling of the summers he spent fishing with his friend Michael. It was nice, calming.” Toni is still staring at him, and he’s aware of her gaze now, meeting it steadily. 

“That’s amazing, Toni. You helped him out a lot there. How many other people have you helped that way?” He’s stepped forward with a little smile, now standing only a few feet from Toni. 

“Uh… I… I offer discounts to anyone who can’t afford my rates completely. Or anyone who provides good conversation or the like,” Toni’s voice falls to a whisper, knees quivering as she stares into Steve’s eyes. 

“That’s amazing, Toni. You’re amazing.” He’s genuine in his compliment, eyes shining as he studies Toni. 

Toni is having trouble breathing. She goes to move forward, but a loud voice barges into her ears, the owner stepping into view a split second later. 

“Are you going to get the jukebox fixed, lady? My gal wants to listen to some Glenn Miller.” He’s of average size, thick brown hair and a condescending twist to his smile.

Toni throws on her brightest, most plastic smile. “That’ll be just a moment, sir. A few more minor adjustments, a couple twists of the ole’ wrench, then you can go fuck yourself! Sound good?” Toni would usually have more tolerance for this asshole, but dammit, she was having a moment with Steve, who had choked upon her declaration. 

“You don’t speak to me that way, bitch,” the man’s voice drops into a growl and Toni nearly sighs out loud. 

“God, is that the best you can do? Call me a bitch? Because I’ll show you who’s a bitch right here and now if you don’t sit the fuck back down, shit for brains.” Toni’s voice has turned deadly, venom dripping from every word. 

The man hesitates, clearly arguing the pros and cons of starting a physical altercation with a woman vs. losing a verbal sparring match with a woman.

Steve loses his patience.

“She told you to go sit down.” Steve’s voice is furious as he steps up next to Toni, his arms crossed over his puffed chest, tensed for a fight. His eyes are on fire, intimidating. 

_ Oh we are similar, indeed. _

“She doesn’t tell me what to do, you small fry twit,” the man spits at Steve, clearly not viewing him as a threat in any way. 

Toni’s mind blanks for the time it takes for her to charge the man, but comes back as her fist smashes into his nose. He automatically swings back at her, but Toni’s prepared for it. She ducks down and lets his arm fly over her head, jabbing a fist into his ribs. He bends to cough, but Toni moves forward and grabs his arm, twisting it until it’s locked midway up his back. She applies pressure until he whimpers. 

“Toni!” she turns to see Mary Ellen and Bucky hurrying over, anger and worry, respectively, covering their faces. Turning further, she sees Steve, smirking at the scene, relief masking the fury in his eyes. 

“What were you thinking, Toni? You know you aren’t allowed to fight in here!” Mary Ellen’s verbal lashing is interrupted with a screeching woman. 

“Hey, you freak, let go of my boyfriend!” A beautiful young woman stomps over to the, now, crowd, and tries to pull the man from Toni’s hold. This is met with a rise in protest from Mary Ellen, Bucky, and Steve, all defending her against the slur. 

“Insult me or my fella ever again and this will be a walk in the park compared to what I’ll deal you, got it, bitch?” Toni whispers into his ear, special, just for the two of them. She tightens her hold for just a moment, getting one last whimper from the guy, before she lets him go. He stumbles away from her, turning to spit more insults, in all likelihood. 

“Best shut up and get outta here, dirtbag.” Steve steps up next to Toni, arms crossed to match hers. Instead of feeling offended at the intrusion, Toni feels supported in a way she never has before. 

He knows she can handle herself. She saw it in his smirk after she’d beat this guy down. He doesn’t want to fight for her, but with her. 

_ God, I’m so gone on this man. _

“Whatever. Let’s get out of here, Grace,” he grabs the woman’s hand and stomps away. 

“Toni,” a voice sighs behind her, and she winces in response. Joey.

“Sorry, Joey,” Toni sighs herself, turning to meet his reproving scowl. 

“You know you can’t fight here, Toni.”

“Wait, this is a common occurrence? Wow, she’s made for you, Stevie!” Bucky cuts in, shaking his head with a wry smile, ignoring Mary Ellen’s slap to his shoulder. 

“Shut up, ya jerk,” Steve replies, not leaving Toni’s side. 

“I’ll just finish fixing up the jukebox then get out of here for the night, Joey.” Toni sighs as she crouches down behind the jukebox.

She hears another sigh. “Nah. You don’t start fights unless someone’s bein’ an ass. Just take it outside next time, okay, Toni?” Joey again, the big softie. 

“You got it, Joe. Outside is for bone breaks, inside is for milkshakes.” Toni grins up at the group as Joey and Mary Ellen roll their eyes, used to her antics. Bucky laughs again, though, and Toni knows that he’s going to be a good friend for her. 

“Show’s over, everyone go back to your food now, please, thank you!” Joey calls over the diner as he moves back to the counter. 

Toni hadn’t realized how quiet the diner had been until the background noise picked back up. Huh. A fight does attract attention, she supposes. 

She turns back to the other three with a grin. “I’ll be back over in a few moments. Just a few more tweaks and it’ll be perfect. Any requests?”

“ _ I’m in the Mood for Love _ by Louis Armstrong. Always loved that one,” Mary Ellen smirks at Toni and grabs Bucky’s hand, pulling him back to the table. “Meet me in the powder room when you’re done there, I need to check your knuckles and your hair’s a mess!” she calls over her shoulder. 

Steve moves to go with them, but Toni stands and grabs his wrist. She makes sure they have eye contact before speaking her piece. “Thanks, Baby Blues. You had my back just now, and I already trust you with it.” She leans in and kisses his cheek. “You’re, uh, you’re pretty amazing, yourself.”

He blushes worse than she does, so she feels a little better. 

“Your knuckles. They, um, they have scarring. Like mine. I could tell you’ve been in plenty of fights before. Figured you got it covered, but back up wouldn’t hurt.” He shrugs a little, but a smile is playing at his mouth. 

“Even so, a lot of people don’t think a woman should be fighting.” 

At this, Steve grins a toothy grin, eyes somehow bluer than they were a moment before in his joy. “Any concerns I might have had flew out the window when you called him  _ shit for brains _ . That kind of ferocity is backed by skill and experience.” 

_ Shit, he doesn’t mind my mouth or my fighting, shit, fuck, he’s the one, he’s gotta be. _

“Well, when one has shit in place of brains, it’s appropriate to let them know. You know, for the safety of everyone around them.” Toni smiles as Steve laughs.

“I suppose so. See you back at the table?” Steve’s smile is relaxed as he backs up toward their table.

“You know it, Baby Blues.” Toni winks with a shit eating grin as she turns back to her work. 

No less than two minutes later, Toni punches through the songs and chooses the Louis Armstrong song Mary Ellen picked, rolling her eyes at her friend’s humor but smiling at the song itself. Toni had always liked this song, too. 

Having gathered the tools, Toni heads back toward the counter. 

“Here ya go, Joey. And I really am sorry about fighting. I’ll definitely take it outside before it escalates next time,” Toni promises, setting the tools on the counter for Joey to retrieve before heading to the powder room as Joey calls his reassurances. 

“My knuckles are actually pretty fine this time, Sunburst. Just a bit of blood, only a little sore.” Toni’s examining her hands as she walks into the powder room, and is therefore unprepared for the armfull of ginger she gets. 

“TONI! Oh my God, this is absolutely perfect, you two are crazy adorable! You’re super attracted to him, he knows this, he thinks you’re funny, he likes that you’re a genius, he doesn’t try to take over your fights, it’s a match made in heaven!” 

This is all squealed loudly into Toni’s ears as Mary Ellen’s arms constrict harder around her. Toni laughs and hugs her back. She pulls away to smiles at the ground.

“Yeah, I… I feel  _ good _ , Sunshine. About Baby Blues and I. I’m pretty gone on him already… but I’m  _ determined _ not to mess this up. I can’t… I’m not good at keeping my cool around him. I don’t want to scare him off, be too intense. How do I do this?” Toni turns wide, terrified eyes on Mary Ellen.

“I don’t know, Toni,” Mary Ellen smiles softly, tucking Toni under her arm and squeezing softly, “but I don’t think you’ll have to worry about scaring him off. Bucky says he’s never seen Steve like this.”

Toni immediately feels guilty, turning out of Mary Ellen’s arms to face her fully. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I haven’t even asked how it’s going with Bucky!”

Mary Ellen snorts, rolling her eyes with a smile. “Oh please, Bucky and I have no romantic interest in each other. This double date was solely for you and Steve. And so we can go to his place afterward, too. But mostly to set the two of you up.”

“. . . I want to be mad, but I’m only grateful. Thank you. For caring enough to do this.” Toni hugs Mary Ellen again, burying her face in her shoulder. 

Mary Ellen laughs, but returns the hug. “I also asked Joey to bang the jukebox around so you would have to fix it. You know, show Steve first hand what you can do. I just didn’t expect you to get into a fight.” At this, Mary Ellen pulls back and rests her fists on her hips, lips pursed.

“What? Baby Blues and I were having a moment that that ass interrupted with his jerkiness! Besides that, he called me a bitch and Baby Blues’ a small fry twit! He had it coming.” Toni defends herself. Toni blinks before smiling proudly at Mary Ellen, “Wait, you asked Joey to corrupt his own jukebox? Sunny! That’s positively devious of you!” 

“I find that the only way to make you see sense is a myriad of underhanded tactics. Now, wash your hands of the jerk’s blood so we can see the damage.” Toni is gently guided to the sinks by Mary Ellen, her hands thrust under the hot water. 

Once soap washes the blood away, Mary Ellen playfully lifts Toni’s hands right before her eyes. “Well, Miss Stark, your knuckles seem to be in perfect condition. Your hair, on the other hand, could use some help!” 

Toni huffs out a chuckle and starts controlling her hair. She smooths down her flyaways, running her fingers through her curls as non-invasively as she could.

Once her hair is looking good again, Toni sucks in a deep breath and simply holds it for a moment. 

Big exhale. 

“Okay. Let’s get at it, Tootsie Pop.”

“You read my mind, honey.”

* * *

The night progresses much more smoothly after Toni and Mary Ellen convene in the powder room, everyone relaxing into the date. 

Toni and Mary Ellen had returned to the table to find a blushing Steve and grinning Bucky. They sat down right as their food came out. They all tucked in, laughing and talking between bites, everyone at ease with each other. 

They paid and left for the dance hall, Bucky and Mary Ellen walking ahead of Steve and Toni, who were strolling with an easy peace between them, conversation flowing naturally. 

The further the two walked, the closer they got until Toni broke and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers tightly together. She blames the nipping autumn breeze for the red in her cheeks.

Not soon enough for Mary Ellen and Bucky but too soon for Toni and Steve, they made it to the dance hall, only having to wait a couple minutes to gain entry. 

Mary Ellen and Bucky have already hit the dance floor, coats and personal items thrown in the general direction of the seating in their hurry. Toni and Steve, on the other hand, take their time finding seats, enjoying their leisurely stroll.

“You’ve never been dancing before?” Both Steve’s face and voice are incredulous, staring in disbelief at Toni.

“Why is that so hard to believe? You’ve never been dancing before!” Toni laughs, leaning into Steve as they make their way through the crowd in the dance hall.

“I’ve had a distinct lack in partners, Toni! You have to have had your fair share of suitors!” Steve’s fingers tighten in hers as he steps closer, eyebrow ticked up.

“I’ve been on quite a few double dates set up by Sunshine, never having met any of them before the dates. None of them liked me or my… general demeanor. Most men  _ I  _ meet just want sex, which has never really been my goal in romance. No date has ever made it too far past the initial meeting.” Toni smiles tiredly at Steve. 

Toni can feel Steve tensing next to her, fingers clenching somehow tighter on her fingers, mouth pressed thin.

“None of that matters anymore. None of  _ them _ matter anymore.” Toni twirls from Steve’s grip and strips her coat, dropping it along with her clutch onto the nearest chair. 

Steve follows suit, not completely relaxing from her admission yet, but stripping his coat nonetheless. 

Toni slinks back to Steve, wrapping her arms smoothly around his neck and leaning in until her red lips are lightly touching his ear. “Let’s dance Baby Blues.”

Steve shudders under her, eyes wide as his mouth flounders, trying to recover.

“Promise you won’t leave me when I step on you with each of my left feet?” Steve weakly jokes, cheeks bright red. 

Toni lets loose a genuine laugh, sensuality leaving her body in favor of the pure affection coursing through her veins. 

“If you step on my feet, I’ll just wear my work boots next time, how about that, Baby Blues?” Toni’s smile is large as she grabs Steve’s hands and backs onto the dance floor, maintaining joyous eye contact the entire time.

Steve’s answering smile is just as large and his blush softens from the garish red to a warm pink. 

“We’ll learn how to dance together, how about that, Toni?” Steve slips one hand around her waist and maneuvers the other to hover near their shoulders as she instinctively leans into him and wraps her free arm around his, hand curling around his shoulder. 

“Mmm,” Toni hums, leaning into him further, “Together. I like the sound of that.”

They gently sway to the song,  _ Moonlight Serenade _ by Glenn Miller, if Toni remembers correctly, until  _ Sing, Sing, Sing _ by Benny Goodman starts up. 

A shockwave passes over the room as everyone cheers and whoops, movements around the serene couple switching from lethargic and intimate to lively and carefree. 

Steve looks wide-eyed to Toni, but Toni just shrugs and grabs both of his hands, bouncing and twisting to the perky beat, encouraging Steve to do the same. 

They are not doing any particular dance or even dancing well, but they’re having fun. They’re both sweating and laughing, hands clasped tightly together as they make fools of themselves in the crowded dance hall. 

By the end of the long song, Toni and Steve are both panting, though Steve’s pants should really be described as wheezes. Toni is quick to pull him off the dance floor, heading for the refreshment area. She rubs his back on the way, keeping their pace slow and steady.

Water in hand, they head to the seats they had chosen earlier, glued to each others’ sides. 

“So… we’re bad at dancing,” Steve’s words are on the breathy side, but Toni can feel how relaxed his lithe body is next to hers. 

“Oh, definitely. I would say we’ll get better, but where’s the fun in that?” Toni laughs and leans into Steve’s shoulder, reaching up a hand to rub at his chest as soothingly as she can. 

Steve tenses for a moment, and Toni stills her hand, thinking she’s crossed a line. Before she can pull it away and apologize, Steve takes a deep breath and drops his arm around her shoulders. 

Toni relaxes and tucks her smile into his shoulder. 

_ Shit, he smells so good, how is that fair? _

They cuddle for a few songs, breathing each other in and relaxing into the feeling of serenity blanketed over them.  _ The Very Thought of You  _ by Ray Noble begins playing and Steve jolts under Toni. She looks up to find bright eyes and an even brighter smile. 

“We have to dance to this one, it was my Ma’s favorite!” Steve stands, twining his fingers with Toni’s to pull her up and to the dance floor. 

They find the least packed part of the dance floor they can before Steve shyly pulls Toni in, grabbing delicately at her waist and hand. 

As the piano tinkles and the horns wail, Toni leans more and more into Steve. By the time Ray releases his first croon, Toni’s completely melted into Steve, head on his shoulder as his arms wrap around her. She’s distinctly weak in the knees, but his arms feel strong around her. She is safe, secure. 

Song after song, Toni and Steve switch between what can only be described as vertical cuddling and a series of uncoordinated bounces, twists, and shimmies. They are tired and they sit down a couple more times, but their smiles are radiant by the time Toni asks to leave. 

“Do you want to get out of here? Go on a walk? I could use some cool air right about now.” She asks during one of their sitting breaks, head turned until it’s stooped enough to rest her forehead against Steve’s.

Steve smiles softly, nuzzling into the touch. “Yeah, I think I could too. There’s a park a couple blocks east, we could explore, if you want?” 

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Toni presses a kiss to Steve’s cheek and stands, pulling her coat on. 

“Should we tell Bucky and Mary Ellen that we’re on our way out?” Steve searches the dance floor for their friends as he pulls his own coat on. 

Toni can’t help but laugh. “Baby Blues, they left over an hour ago! They’re well on their way to pound town, I expect.” Toni’s grin is wolfish as she furiously waggles her eyebrows.

“So vulgar!” His nose scrunches up but he laughs anyway, eyes disproportionately soft after such a crass joke. 

“That they are, Baby Blues, that they are. We love them anyway,” Toni teases, weaving their fingers together as they approach the exit.

Steve hums in agreement and holds the door open for Toni.

“Such a gentleman for me, Baby Blues!” Their fingers find each other again and both beam into the night. 

“My Ma raised me right, Miss ‘Pound Town’, can you say the same?” Steve’s deep voice is lilted into a tease and his hand squeezes Toni’s to drive the tease home.

“How dare you, Mr. ‘Scarred Knuckles’, my Mama and Papa raised me with the love and care required to produce a proper lady.” Toni grins and shows off her own scarred knuckles, elegantly posing them next to her exaggeratedly fluttering eyelashes. 

Steve laughs again and Toni drops her hand, joining him in his mirth. 

They fall into a comfortable silence, hands swinging lightly between their bodies. Around 20 minutes pass and their leisurely stroll has brought them to the park they’d been seeking. Toni pulls Steve to the nearest bench and she’s pleased to find them alone in the quiet park. 

“So, this Ma that raised you so right, tell me about her,” Toni rests her head on Steve’s shoulder, snaking an arm snugly around his waist and pulling until she’s as close as she can be. 

Steve huffs out a laugh as he wraps his arm around Toni’s shoulders and does his own pulling until he can press his smile into her hair.

“Sarah Rogers. She was… an amazing mother. An amazing woman, in every single possible way. My father died in the war when my Ma was pregnant with me, so she always had it hard. Add on top of that the Depression and my continuous lack of health, and she had it ten times worse than most. She was a nurse. She was real smart and she was so patient. Kind, happy, funny. She made the best out of every single day. I miss her a lot.” Steve’s voice is quiet, small. 

Toni sits up and studies Steve’s face. He’s sad, in pain, but still smiling. Toni spreads her own sad smile and wraps both arms around Steve. His face falls naturally into her neck, so Toni just bends her neck around his head, her jaw poking into his hair, which is somehow even softer than she had imagined it would be. 

They soak each other in for a few moments.

“When did you lose her?” Toni asks, turning her face into his golden locks. 

“The winter of ‘36. Caught something from one of her patients. It was quick.” Steve snuggles back into her as if he’s seeking the warmth his mother had lost. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Steve breathes deep and exhales with a stronger smile on his face.

“What about you, Toni? What are your loving, caring parents like?” His hands come up to rest on her forearms and his smile is audible in his voice. 

“Exactly that. Loving, caring. Walter and Alice Stark. My Papa sold fruit and my Mama mended clothing. They were actually who inspired me to offer low prices, discounted prices, free if need be. They were the kindest, most generous people in Richford. My Mama was an artist, too, but not like you. She didn’t draw, she wrote. Poems and songs, mostly. Every once and a while, they would put on a show for my brother and I. Feather boas, lipsticks, top hats, grand voices and even grander dance moves.” Toni laughs here, puffing gently under Steve, tightening her hold on him.

“We loved them, my brother and I. We love them. They always did right by us, you know? Always did what was best for us. Gave us the courage to be who we wanted to be. I miss them, everyday.” Toni ends quietly, but not sadly. Her and Howard had made some serious strides in healing after their parents’ deaths, mostly through bonding time and emotional conversations. 

“When did you lose them?” Steve parrots Toni, his head turning up in an attempt to meet her eyes. 

“Howie and I lost them both to a fever in the winter of ‘37.” Toni meets his eyes with a soft smile, an understanding smile. 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.”

“Howie? Your brother?” Steve maneuvers them until they’re both sitting up fully, hands entwined and bodies pressed together shoulder through knee. 

“Yeah! Howie’s kind of the main reason I got through my childhood. My best friend, really.” Toni’s grin is bright as she talks about her big brother. 

“Sounds like a stand up guy. I always wished I had siblings growing up. I got Buck when I was 13, so I guess I lucked out,” Steve says with a crooked smile.

“Yeah, you two seem really close. That’s really nice to see. Mary Ellen and our neighbor, Lenny, are the older and younger sisters I never knew I wanted, or needed, until I got them,” Toni admits with a chuckle.

“Sounds like we both got lucky.” Steve’s smile is soft now, and Toni, once again, nearly swoons.

“Yes. I didn’t think it was possible for me to get any luckier, but…” Toni gathers all of her courage and pushes forcefully outward, “here we are.”

If Steve is taken aback, he doesn’t let it show. He simply studies her for a moment, and Toni is, once again, panicking on the inside. 

_ SHIT FUCK I SAID TOO MUCH I CAME ON TOO STRONG I KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW THIS WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE I KNEW THIS WAS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST WHO FEELS LIKE THIS ABOUT SOMEONE THEY’VE KNOWN FOR MERE HOURS SHIT FUCK I NEED TO- _

And then Steve’s face lights up like a spring sunrise. 

“Here we are.”

* * *

Five days after the best night of Toni’s life, Howard shows up, eyeing Toni like she’s a wild woman.

“HOWIE!” Toni jumps on her brother in her excitement. It’d been exactly 13 months and 8 days since they’d seen each other in person, so Toni’s tackle is forgiven instantly. 

“Annie. How… uh… how’ve you been?” Howard hugs her tightly, but his voice is hesitant, worried. 

“I’ve been great! How about you? How’s the company holding up? Tell me everything!” Toni pulls Howard into her apartment, throwing his bag next to the loveseat as they sit down.

“How about you tell me about you first, Annie, and why I’ve gotten four letters in the past week and a half?” Howard’s smile is fixed onto his face, eyes wide.

“Ah. Yes, I had actually forgotten about that,” Toni laughs a carefree chorus, ignoring Howard’s squinted eyes.

“Forgotten it, have you? So the double date with the Steve fellow went well, then?” Howard’s head is now tilted to the side, skeptical with her evident change in behavior. 

“Okay, so, funny story, Baby Blues and Steve are the same guy! Yeah, I was surprised too! Sunshine tricked me into the double date, but Baby Blues proved to be worth the confusion and worry.” Toni’s smile is soft and Howard’s eyes narrow further. 

“He’s good to you? Doesn’t push, doesn’t judge?” Howard remains firm when Toni turns wide, sincere eyes on him.

“Very good. Great, even. He, uh, he likes that I’m smart and good with machines. He didn’t step in when I got in a fight, but made sure to be my backup. He laughs at my jokes and doesn’t mind my general… brazenness. I’m… I’m pretty dizzy with him, Howie.” Toni admits quietly, softly. 

“Well, that’s good, I suppose. But you’re already dizzy with him? And you’ve been on, what, one date?” Howard’s switched from skeptical to concerned, hesitant, almost.

Toni smiles wanly at him, empathy clear on her face. “Yes, Howie. Already dizzy with him. You read my letters? So basically, that, but it’s gotten a million times worse because I actually know him now. It’s too fast, too soon. I know this. Hell, I think Baby Blues knows it too! I’ve since embraced it.”

“Steve feels the same?” Howard has pursed his lips, eyes narrowed once more.

“Damn near positive he does. He’s- we’re… we’re the same, him and me. So similar, so familiar. I feel like I know him already. He’s been burned, rejected his whole life, too. He fights, literally, for what’s right. He’s so funny, so kind. Smart, too, very strategic mind, no matter what he says. He’s just so… precious,” Toni exhales on the last word, entering what Mary Ellen and Lenny have dubbed her ‘Steve State of Mind’. 

“Okay, ew. Don’t need to see or hear that, Annie. Reel it in.” Howard’s disgust radiates from his frown and Toni’s happiness radiates from her answering laugh.

“Sorry, Howie, didn’t mean to offend.” Her grin tells a different story.

“Yeah, yeah,” Howard rolls his eyes, but an affectionate smile soon rises as he studies Toni. “I’m happy for you, little sister. You deserve this.” Howard hugs her again, and Toni returns it with fervor. 

“Thanks, Howie. Did you come all this way because of my little freakout?” Toni’s face is scrunched up in regret and apology.

“That certainly helped, but no, I was going to come here anyway. Can’t exactly let my little sister enter her twenties without me, can I?” Howard’s smile is wolfish now, and Toni nearly smacks herself on the forehead.

“Oh my God, my birthday’s Saturday! Oh my God, how did I forget that?” Toni asks herself quietly, puzzling clear on her face.

“I’m guessing it probably has something to do with your monumental breakdown followed by your all-consuming romance,” Howard grins and ducks away from Toni’s noises of protest that just so happen to be accompanied by indignant slaps. 

“Shut up, you,” Toni laughs, before sighing, “Let’s go to the diner. You can finally meet Sunburst!” Toni enthusiastically whips her coat on and pulls Howard to the door.

“Should we invite the Briggs?” Howard asks, genuinely wanting to see them again. They remind him of his parents and a young Toni.

“Sure! Lenny’s always up for a milkshake, and Blanche and Ernest could probably use a night out!” 

Howard’s arrival sparks great joy in the Briggs, Blanche hugging him close with a large, proud smile on her face, Ernest sending Howard a small smile and a firm handshake, and Lenny smiling shyly and welcoming him back warmly. 

Blanche and Ernest decline the invitation to the diner, saying they’ve already eaten dinner. Lenny wants to go, but, with a firm reminder of her homework from her mother, sends a regretful smile their way and declines. 

Toni and Howard are a little bummed, but understand. 

“Well, we’ll have to do dinner before I have to get back to Manhattan, then.” Howard smiles through his suggestion. 

“Oh, definitely, dear!” Blanche agrees, a warm smile at home on her face.

“Why don’t you guys come over on Saturday? We can have a nice dinner, maybe play some games afterward?” Toni offers, eyebrows raised in Lenny’s direction.

“Oh! Game night at Toni and Mary Ellen’s is always so fun, please, can we?” Lenny asks, shooting that look that breaks Toni every time at Ernest. 

“Of course we can. We’ll bring appetizers?” Ernest offers.

“Lovely! I’ll make dinner and Cupcake can make dessert! Six sound good?” Toni asks, smile big on her face.

“That sounds wonderful, honey. See you two then!” Blanche agrees.

“See you guys then!” 

* * *

The siblings make their way to the diner, conversation fast flowing and scientific in nature.

“So, are you done with those hover car schematics yet?” Howard hip checks Toni, a teasingly taunting grin on his face.

“Actually, no! I’m undoing all of your mistakes, that takes a bit of time!” Her own answering grin is exaggeratedly bratty and Howard laughs.

“Yeah, I’m sure. You said in that last, slightly more stable, letter that you’re working on your own designs for something? You gonna share with big brother?”

Toni rolls her eyes but smiles anyway. “Yes, I  _ am _ working on my own designs, but I’ll show them to you when we get back to my place. One word: robots.”

Howard makes an excited noise that he will deny being a squeal till the end of his days. “Seriously? Oh my God, Annie, I haven’t been this excited in months!”

“Glad I could help, Howie… So, how are things going with SI? I’ve read a lot in the papers, but I want to hear it from you.” They round the last turn on the route for the diner and now only have three straight blocks to walk.

Howard sighs deeply as he answers, “Things are going… well. Really well. Investors have poured in and I’m helping the economy greatly in it’s recovery. That showcase in Los Angeles is coming up in a little more than a half year, and,” Howard pauses to take a deep breath, eyeing Toni from the corner of his eyes, “they think we should stay there afterward. Permanently.” 

Toni gasps quietly, eyes widening. “Oh! Move to Los Angeles. California? Move Stark Industries Headquarters to California? That… that’s good, right? Means business is doing well!” Her eyes are still wide, and she’s trying to control her reaction, keep it to the minimum before she explodes.

“Yeah, it does. I can tell them no, Annie. I don’t want to be all the way across the country anymore than you don’t want me to be all the way across the country!” Howard has stopped and grabbed her hands, looking like he wants a reason to say no. 

Toni blinks and everything that was spiralling out of control a second ago snaps back into place. 

_ He’s scared. Why is he scared? _

“Why don’t you want to move to California, Howie? It would be what’s best for the company, wouldn’t it?” Toni keeps her voice gentle as she grips his hands, eyes boring into Howard’s.

“It’s already been over a year since I’ve seen you, Annie, and that’s when my Headquarters were a couple hours away. What happens when I’m all the way across the country? SI is already doing well, moving to California can’t improve it by much, surely!” He’s pulled his hands from hers and pushed them through his slicked back hair, pacing in front of her, lost in his own head. 

“Howie, hey! Howie, stop doing that, you’re going to pull your hair out. Howie! HEY, HOWIE. HOWARD ANTHONY WALTER STARK LISTEN TO ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW!” Toni darts forward and grabs Howard by his shoulders, shaking him roughly until his harried copper eyes snap onto hers, attention caught. 

Some people on the street stop to watch, but one sharp look from Toni has them running. She pulls Howard to the side before fixing him with a sharp glare, eyes glinting in the dusky autumn night. 

“You listen to me now, and you listen good, Howard Stark. You. Are. My. Big. Brother. You could move to China and I’d somehow find my way to you. You would find your way to me, right? Right? Distance can’t change anything between us. Never has, has it? Sure, we haven’t seen each other in a long time, and it might be a long time until we see each other again, but we still send letters! We still have each other, Howie, and  _ nothing _ can change that!” Toni has been standing uncharacteristically still, eyes doing all the work her hands usually would.

Howard drops his head, breaking eye contact and Toni can hear his heavy swallow. “I just… I miss you, Annie. I know that nothing will ever change us, I really do. I just… I think we went too long without seeing each other, this time.” 

He hunches in on himself, voice exhausted. “I worked so hard, Annie. I worked so hard for this company, and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m inventing freely, I have teams of researchers, I’m making the world better as best as I can, but… I’m so tired. I’m stressed all the time. I’m famous now, which can be great, but people think they just… know me. Already, with never having met me before. I just feel over it all and sometimes you feel like the only genuine connection I have in the entire world.” Howard’s slumped forward now, and Toni feels like ice has been dumped over her head.

She’d just assumed he’s been fine. Howard’s always been fine, he always looks forward, a futurist, he says. 

_ Well, duh, running a multimillion dollar company will wear anyone down, even Howie. _

Shit.

He’d supported her her entire childhood and into her adult life, always making his concerns and support known. Even when she didn’t seem to need it. 

_ Fuck, I’m a shitty sister. _

“Howie… I… God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even consider what all this stress could do to you. Is this the first vacation you’ve taken from work since you started the company?” Toni moves forward and pulls him into a big hug, cradling him and rubbing his back. He immediately relaxes into her like he’s been waiting to melt into her.

“Yes, but things needed to be done.  _ I _ opened this business, and I knew how much work it would entail. I just missed you, I think. I already feel better,” Howard chuckles wetly from inside her shoulder. 

“I’ve missed you too, Howie. I  _ have _ been getting in a lot of fights lately. Just waiting for you to swoop from the shadows like you did when we were kids.” Toni grins, tightening her arms around him. 

He laughs again and pulls back, wiping at his face. “You’re always getting into a lot of fights, Annie, that’s nothing new… So. California.” He smiles weakly and shrugs his shoulders.

“California. If it’s to better the company, you should do it. But, we should set two weeks aside every year so we can see each other. No exceptions. It sucked not seeing you at Christmas last year. You can come to mine for Christmas every year?” Toni suggests, wondering why they haven’t done this already anyway.

Howard smiles hesitantly, hope firing back into his eyes. “Yeah, I could probably do that. I’m sure my employees would appreciate having the holidays off, too. I could spend a week here for Christmas and you could- you could come to Los Angeles for the showcase every year, too? It takes place in June, we could make it an annual thing!”

Both of their smiles are bursting and Howard lunges forward with an ecstatic laugh, picking Toni up and spinning her in circles.

He sets her down and both laugh again. “Okay. We’ve got our two weeks, no going back on it.” Toni holds out a pinky, looking expectantly at Howard.

“No going back on it,” Howard nods, locking pinkies with Toni. 

“Good. Now. Milkshakes and Baby Cakes are waiting, let’s move, Hoity Toit,” Toni grins, and dodges Howard’s swing.

“Yeah, yeah, ya brat.”

Howard seems to feel better, but Toni vows then and there to never just assume he’s fine again.

_ I have to do better by him. I  _ _ will _ _ do better by him. _

It takes them another ten minutes to make it to the diner. It’s warm when they enter, and not a single customer is to be found. Mary Ellen is behind the counter, drying glassware with an old rag.

“Sunshine! I have someone I want you to meet!” Toni announces grandly, a grin stretched over her face. 

Mary Ellen looks up and freezes, eyes going wide and face reddening.

Toni smirks, expecting such a reaction based on the amount of times Toni has caught Mary Ellen staring at the picture in the living room. She turns to Howard and is none too surprised to see a similar look, if better hidden, on his face. 

Mary Ellen is a beauty, after all. 

“Sunshine, this is my big brother, Howard. Howard, this is my best friend, Sunshine.” Toni strides to the counter, pulling Howard behind her. 

“It’s- it’s Mary Ellen. It’s wonderful to meet you, Howard, Toni talks about you all the time!” Mary Ellen strides around the counter and holds out a hand for Howard to shake, presumably. 

Howard does not do this. Instead, he grabs her hand up and places a kiss on Mary Ellen’s knuckles, a charming grin now in place on his face. 

_ Oh, God. _

“Oh, please, Mary Ellen, the pleasure is completely, wholly mine.” Howard’s voice is smoother than Toni’s ever heard it and-

_ Oh, God, I think I’m going to throw up. _

Mary Ellen giggles and pulls her hand away shyly, her predatory smile nowhere to be found. She’s looking something like Toni suspected her own face looked during The Incident. 

_ Oh, that’s actually really nice! Oh, I hope this happens! _

Howard moves forward and starts up a conversation, smooth as silk in his charm. Mary Ellen is clearly enjoying herself, smile large and genuine. 

Their flirting is a bit gross, but Toni excuses it because she loves the two of them too much to ruin this moment for them.

Toni ends up going in the back to make conversation with Joey and give Howard and Mary Ellen some time alone. 

“So… Howard and Mary Ellen, huh?” Joey smiles, cleaning the grill.

“Looks like it. A match made in heaven,” Toni quotes Mary Ellen, a smile on her face. 

“Good for them.”

“Good for them.”

* * *

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” 

Game night on Saturday is going strong, the Briggs, Toni, Mary Ellen, and Howard squeezed around the dining table and enjoying a nice,  _ calm _ game of Monopoly. 

“That’s right, Howard, fork it over.” Lenny holds out a hand, wagging her fingers as everyone but Howard roars their laughter in the background. 

“That’s right, Eleanor, take the millionaire for all he has!” Ernest encourages over his laughter, having come out of his shell a bit over the course of the night. 

“That’s my girl!” Blanche agrees, managing to control her own laughter.

“That damn Boardwalk,” Howard mutters as he shovels most of his money into Lenny’s waiting hand. 

“Aww, Howard, it’s okay, you could always get her back with Mediterranean Avenue!” Mary Ellen lightly teases Howard, fighting to turn her shit-eating grin into an encouraging smile. 

“Ah keep it to yourself, Sugar,” Howard fake grumps, smiling sweetly at Mary Ellen, who winks in return.

_ Fucking EW. _

“There is a child present, you two,” Toni exaggerates a disgusted expression in their direction, getting two simultaneously stuck out tongues in return.

“Like you were any better with Steve last week,” Mary Ellen shoots back, smirking.

“Ah, but no children were present then, so… I think I just won this argument?” Toni grins back through her sass, sticking her own tongue out. 

“I object to being called a child,” Lenny speaks up, clearly indignant. 

Toni lifts a lazy eyebrow, face screaming unimpressed. “You’re 13.”

Toni ignores Lenny’s answering protests and rolls the dice. She lands on B. & O. Railroads when a knock sounds from the door. 

“Hey, could you get that, Lenny?” Toni asks, noticing Howard and Mary Ellen are immersed in their own conversation. 

“Should children be answering the door?” Lenny sasses, arms crossed with a triumphant smile.

“If an adult asks them to, then yes, ya darn brat!” Toni rolls her eyes affectionately.

“Ha! Now you know how I feel!” Howard breaks in, momentarily looking away from Mary Ellen. 

“Shut up, ya jerk!” 

“Hey, Toni! It’s for you!” Lenny is grinning as she sits back down at the table.

“Well, I do live here, ya little brat,” Toni stands from where she’d been counting out her rent payment and ruffles Lenny’s hair in thanks when she walks to the door.

Opening the door, she’s stunned to find Steve.

“Baby Blues! Hey!” Toni grins and quickly exits the apartment, shutting the door behind her. 

“Hey Toni,” he smiles nervously, fidgeting where he stands. 

Toni drinks him in and finds him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses, hair ruffled from the wind outside. 

“That, uh, that must have been the Lenny you were talking about. Adorable,” Steve laughs, before swallowing heavily. “Mary Ellen mentioned that today’s your birthday, and I, um, I wanted to give you these.” Steve holds the bouquet out, and Toni cradles them in an arm, unable to contain the beaming smile on her face. 

“Oh, Steve! Thank you so much, they’re beautiful!” Toni leans forward and hugs him close.

Steve just smiles a somewhat dopey smile at Toni and she’s a little confused as to why.

“What?” Toni chuckles slightly, puzzled.

“Nothing, nothing, I just… I like the way you say my name,” Steve smiles again and Toni realizes she only called him Baby Blues on their date, even when she was saying goodbye at the door. 

“Well, Baby Blues, guess I’ll have to reserve it for when you do something considerably over-the-top adorable. Such as this.” Toni grins, leaning in and kissing him lightly on the lips.

“Guess I’ll just have to over-the-top woo you, then,” Steve replies absently, eyes faraway after the kiss. They’d shared a sweet goodnight kiss after their date, and he’d reacted the same way then, too.

“I’ll count on it, Baby Blues.” Toni smiles and leans forward for another hug, latching onto a hand as she pulls back.

“Anyone ever told you that you’re a very tactile person?” Steve laughs, squeezing her hand.

“I could stop if I’m making you uncomfortable?” Toni teases, swinging their hands a bit.

“Don’t you dare,” Steve replies, stepping forward to kiss her again, confidence bolstered from their flirting. 

“Mmm, one could argue that you’re also a very tactile person, Baby Blues,” Toni leans into him, resting her head lightly on his shoulder, angled to avoid squishing the roses. 

He brings up an arm to rub Toni’s back, leaning his head on hers. “Never have been before,” he admits quietly.

Toni burrows her face into his neck, pressing a light kiss where her mouth lands. “Well, I’m happy to be your test subject,” Toni whispers.

He shivers as her warm breath fans over his neck. “Here we are.”

Toni smiles. “Here we are.”

“Go on a picnic with me tomorrow?” Steve asks, rubbing his hand over her back as he pulls away slightly to look into her eyes. 

“The park at noon?” 

“Sounds great. I’ll provide the food,” Steve smiles, leaning in to kiss her once more before heading for the stairs. 

He stops at the top and turns, an affectionate smile on his face. “Happy Birthday, Toni.”

“Thank you, Steve,” She smiles softly as he walks down the stairs. 

The door flies open as soon as he’s out of sight.

“And you said we need to keep it in our pants!” Mary Ellen croons, Howard and the Briggs right behind her. 

“Were you guys spying the entire time?!” Toni gasps, kicking herself because  _ of course _ they were.

“. . . So that’s Baby Blues, huh?” Howard grins and dances away from Toni’s swat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys! Sorry, that took a bit longer than I expected! I hope you all liked Steve and Toni’s first date! I don’t think I’ll make it completely smooth sailing for our babies, but I just couldn’t throw a wrench in there so soon! They deserved this, OKAY?
> 
> Or the conflict of the story can be purely external? I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY. IS MAKING THEIR RELATIONSHIP SUPER EASY BAD WRITING?
> 
> I AM CONFLICTED.
> 
> Working on Chapter 5 as you read this!
> 
> Reviews accepted and appreciated!


	5. Nothing Quite Changes the Present Like the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas and life-altering decisions anyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies! Gentlemen! IT’S CHAPTER FIVE, BOO! 
> 
> Writing this fic has been so much fun thus far, and it’s very easy to grant a lot of the credit to you guys. Every review is new weight in the enormous dog pile of love I feel, so thank you all, very, very much for reading. 
> 
> Christmas is taking place in this chapter, bois, so prepare for some relationship and friendship goodness!
> 
> Alright, listen. I’ve had this chapter written for weeks and am only just now posting it. I’ve been struggling with it because it doesn’t do much to advance the story into the next phase for which I am longing. However, I love this chapter for mushy fangirling reasons, so I’ve decided to keep it and make the next chapter a bit more plot oriented.
> 
> I do not own anything associated with Marvel or Marvel itself.

Chapter Five: Nothing Quite Changes the Present Like the Future

“You’re… you’re moving out?” Toni gapes at Mary Ellen, too shocked to say much else. Her chest has constricted around her lungs and her limbs feel like lead, dropping the wrapping paper to the floor.

It’s the day after Christmas, and Howard had just taken Lenny out for a Hot Chocolate from the diner, leaving Mary Ellen and Toni alone in the apartment. 

It didn’t take too long after Howard’s departure for Mary Ellen to take a deep breath and approach Toni where she was meticulously wrapping Steve and Bucky’s gifts, which she will give to them the day after tomorrow, when they get back to their apartment from Bucky’s family’s house. 

Mary Ellen swallows heavily, sadness warring with determination in her eyes. “Yeah. I… I’m moving to Manhattan.”

“Manhattan… Howie.” Toni blinks again and wonders why she didn’t see this coming.

“Yeah, Howard. It’s just- After we met, we agreed to not wait for each other when he went back to Manhattan. Our feelings were so fresh,” Mary Ellen seems to be getting desperate, voice growing hoarse as she spoke quickly with little time for breathing, “so new, we didn’t want to strain any possible relationship between us with long distance right off the bat! So we didn’t do long distance, but… Toni, I couldn’t even muster any sort of interest in anyone else, you know that! And we started writing to each other! Every new letter I received, I fell a little more for him. And when he came for Christmas…” She looks at Toni in desperation, searching for some form of understanding or compassion. 

“And when he came for Christmas, you couldn’t ignore your feelings any more. Sunshine, you don’t have to look so guilty. Sure, I’m sad to hear you’re moving, and I’ll miss you like crazy, but… it’s your life, Sweetie. If you think there could be something real for you and Howard, you shouldn’t let anything hold you back from pursuing him,  _ especially _ not your number one supporter, moi,” Toni laughs and begins crying a bit as Mary Ellen sprints forward and tackles her, straddling her while wrapping her arms around Toni’s neck. Mary Ellen is also crying, rather loudly.

“Thank you so much, I’m so sorry!” Her whole body is shaking as she presses harder into Toni, curling around her. 

“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Sunshine. Hey, Sunshine, look at me.” Toni pulls Mary Ellen away until they have achieved eye contact, Toni’s hands firmly planted on either side of Mary Ellen’s face. 

“I love you. You are my sister. I couldn’t wish for a better woman for my big brother. I’m happy for you.  _ Proud _ of you. We’ll write, just like Howard and I do. I’ll see you twice a year  _ at least _ . This is a good thing for you, don’t you dare make it about me!” Toni pointedly raises her eyebrows and glares until Mary Ellen nods in her hands. 

“Okay… so, are you moving in with Howard, then?” Toni tilts her head, an eyebrow raised to accompany her shit eating grin.

“No! No, it’s way too soon for that. No, we haven’t even dated yet! I’m just moving to Manhattan so we can be closer, give it a real chance. Howard agreed that what we feel for each other is… significant,” Mary Ellen blushes harshly as Toni’s shit eating grin somehow grows. “I don’t know, Toni… you know how you said you felt good about you and Steve, that first date? It’s the same with us. I’m  _ ready _ . I want to give it a go, a real go.”

“And he’s told you about how much he travels for his job? How he’s not home a whole lot?” Toni ventures cautiously, wanting both of her siblings to be happy. 

Mary Ellen, for her part, just smiles. “Yeah, he told me about how much he travels. He did say that with that showcase in Los Angeles coming up, he’s going to be home a lot more, preparing more demonstrations.”

“Well that’s good. I’m so happy for you, Mary Ellen,” Toni says, her seriousness showing in her eyes. 

“Thanks, Toni. You don’t know how much it means to me that you’re supportive of us.” Mary Ellen leans forward, grabbing Toni in another hug.

“I think you two are good for each other,” Toni smiles into Mary Ellen’s hair. She pulls back, keeping her smile bright and tone conversational, “Oh, and Mary Ellen? I  _ will _ kill you if you hurt my brother. Got it?”

Mary Ellen’s eyes go wide, but Toni’s eyes simply narrow until she replies. “Got it, Toni.”

“Good.” Toni nods firmly once before relaxing, a softer, more genuine smile claiming her mouth once more. “When do you think you’re moving?”

Mary Ellen flounders at Toni’s whiplash-inducing mood swings, but recovers after a few owlish blinks and deep breaths. “I… uh… a couple of weeks. Howard said he knew a couple of places within my price range where he could help me set up. There’s even a diner currently looking for help a couple of blocks from one of the apartments he mentioned!” Mary Ellen finishes with a bright smile, eyes squinting in her happiness.

“I’m sure Joey will give you a glowing recommendation,” Toni laughs before fading into a thoughtful frown, “Is waitressing what you want to do, though? I mean, new city, new opportunities, right?” Toni says, shrugging with a small smile. 

Mary Ellen nods with the pensive expression of a revisited line of thought, “Yeah, I thought about that. I think that while I’m starting in a new city, I’ll keep it safe for a second, steady myself and establish a source of income before I start experimenting with what I want from life,” Mary Ellen smiles and rolls her eyes.

“If things go well with Howie, do you think you’ll also go to California? Because imagine the new opportunities presented there!” Toni exclaims, eyes a little far away.

“If Howard and I are at the point where we felt comfortable living together, I think that yeah, I’d follow him to California. I don’t think I would move cross country and  _ not _ live with him, though. You know? If we weren’t to that point yet, I think long-distance is probably how we continue on.” Mary Ellen smiles as she explains this, and Toni appreciates the thought put into this. 

“You’ve been thinking about this for a while,” Toni observes.

“Yeah,” Mary Ellen sighs, “Like I said, every letter made me fall in love a little more,” she sighs again, but it’s significantly dreamier this time.

_ Jesus Christ, nasty. _

“Yeah, okay, gross,” Toni groans, “I’m going to go back to wrapping the boys’ gifts now.”

“Stop pretending that you and Steve aren’t the sappiest couple to ever exist,” Mary Ellen points out, deadpan. 

“I’m not pretending anything, darling, I’m just being a hypocrite,” Toni grins, “There’s a difference.”

“Not much of one!” Mary Ellen argues, eyes rolling playfully.

“Mmm, enough of one for you to be wrong and me to be right, and I think that that’s what’s important here,” Toni twists her face into a teasing condescending expression. 

“This is why I’m leaving you for your brother,” Mary Ellen is deadpan, once again, but it’s glaringly obvious she’s simply teasing Toni.

That doesn’t stop it from hitting Toni like train. 

_ Oh wow. Oh, she’s actually leaving. Oh God. _

Toni manages a weak laugh. “Yeah… Listen, I have to finish wrapping these…” 

Mary Ellen’s face falls and Toni squirms with guilt. 

_ Reel it in, bitch, your hurt her feelings. Don’t ruin what little time you have left with her. _

“Later, though, do you want to… We can go to the picture show? Or dancing? If you wanted?” Toni’s voice is timid and it just feels  _ wrong _ . 

Mary Ellen’s eyebrows raise in surprise, but the smile that blooms immediately after is pleased. “Yeah! We can go dancing? Girls night!”

Toni smiles, relieved.

_ Why was I worrying? Dumb bitch. _

“Great. Sounds like a plan,” Toni turns back to the wrapping.

Mary Ellen beams and hugs Toni from behind. She goes to the bedroom after that, but her assault made Toni emotional again. 

_ Pull yourself together! Jesus! Just focus on the gift wrapping. Mary Ellen will still be here after that.  _

Toni follows her own commands, ducking her head to study the presents in front of her. 

For Bucky, who had become a close friend for Toni in the short time she’s known him, she had taken his boxing skills into account and, using Howard’s large slew of resources, melted down solid silver and shaped it into a large trophy for him. Atop sat Bucky, his usual shit eating grin prominent on his face with his gloved hands raised triumphantly. The base read “Kicking Ass and Taking Names est. 1917”. She knows he’ll get a real kick out of it. 

For Steve, Toni had floundered momentarily, not being able to choose what could properly convey her feelings for her fella. Eventually, she had decided to approach Bucky for art lessons, knowing he had attended a couple classes with Steve. She learned some basic skills from him, and practiced until she couldn’t see straight. She ended up buying Steve extremely high end materials including a large sketch book, various sets of pastels, charcoals, graphites, and quality erasers.

On the first page of the sketch book, she put her newfound skills to use, using the charcoal to sketch out their first meeting, when Toni had met his eyes for the first time. Steve’s long fingers are gently curled around Toni’s wrists, her hands rested on his chest as they stare into each others’ eyes. It’s all in charcoal except for Steve’s eyes, which are a burning baby blue. Underneath the picture, Toni had signed and dated it, adding the words “Baby Blues” in bold, looping letters along the bottom. 

On the second page, she sketched out their first date, cuddling on a deserted park’s bench on a nippy autumn night. Their arms are wrapped around each other, Toni’s head rested on Steve’s shoulder. She used the pastels this time, color bursting from their serene embrace, a warm glow in the dark blue of the night sky surrounding them. Curling around them in the form of warm breath swirling into cold air, the words “Here we are”. 

Only after completing the two drawing does Toni realize she can’t give Steve used art supplies. Huffing at her own stupidity, she bought him new charcoals and pastels. 

The drawings aren’t particularly great, not any more than they were particularly bad, at least, but what has Toni so nervous is her third, and final, addition to Steve’s new sketchbook, the song she wrote for him on the third page. 

The words stare back at Toni, who had attempted to channel her mother’s skills to properly convey the depth of her feelings for Steve. When Toni couldn’t find the flowery, deep words she needs to describe her love, she settled for the thoughts coursing through her mind every single time he’s near her. 

She hopes to God he likes it. 

She finishes wrapping each gift carefully, a fond smile in place as she ties the twine in a bow on top of the emerald package. For Steve, she saved the red paper. Instead of twine, she uses a soft gold ribbon, wrapping the gift with the love and care it deserves. Right as she finishes writing ‘Baby Blues’, Howard walks into the apartment, a nervous smile on his face.

He closes the door and turns back to Toni, anxiety in his every move.

It melts Toni just a little, teeny, tiny bit. 

“Hey, Howie,” Toni greets, keeping her smile gentle. 

“Annie. Hey. How- How are you?” His eyebrows are creased and his smile is clearly forced. 

Toni sticks with honesty. 

“A little sad. A little anxious. Mostly happy. Proud. Hopeful,” Toni finishes, standing from the floor and approaching Howard, arms open.

Howard grabs her up in a bear hug, lifting her off the ground as he bends backwards. 

“Thank you,” he whispers as he sets her back down, not letting her escape the hug. “And I’m sorry.”

Toni makes a noise of discontent, “Why do you both keep apologizing? This is a good thing and has nothing to do with me!” Toni pulls from the hug, meeting Howard’s eyes incredulously. 

“But it does, Annie. I agree, this is a good thing… for Mary Ellen and I. Your best friend is moving out, though. You’re allowed to be sad,” Howard argues, eyes clearly tortured with this. 

“I know I’m allowed to be sad! I  _ am  _ sad! I told you I’m sad! That doesn’t mean either of you owe me an apology. Because you don’t. Not for something like this. Okay?” Toni raises her eyebrows pointedly, mouth pinching into a pursed position. 

Howard sighs but nods. “Okay, okay. I just…”

“Feel guilty. Don’t. You’re my big brother, what makes you happy makes me happy. She makes you happy. That makes me happy. Besides, I want the same for her. Sunshine deserves to be happy just as much as you do. This is a  _ good thing _ .”

Howard inhales deeply, shoulders tensing. He holds the breath for a few seconds before exhaling all tension from his body. “Okay… okay.”

And then an uncontrollable smile begins to grow on his face. He looks down quickly to hide it, but Toni sees it. 

“Okay. So… Mary Ellen. I saw that coming a mile away,” Toni grins, nudging Howard’s shoulder with hers teasingly.

“Yeah, we’re about as obvious as you and Steve.” Howard smiles, nose wrinkling just the tiniest bit. 

He had met Steve his last visit, after they’d picnicked in the park as a second date. Steve had walked her home, where Howard interrupted their goodbye kiss. 

A shovel talk had been given, but Steve hadn’t been too intimidated. He simply took Howard completely seriously, eyes genuine as he promised Howard he could never hurt Toni. 

This all took place in front of a huffing Toni, who pushed Howard back into the apartment as soon as Howard smiled a bit, clearly gaining respect for Steve. She had called Steve an asskisser, but he just smiled affectionately at her dramatics, kissing her once more before planning another date- more dinner and dancing- and leaving. 

“Nah, you’re not as gross as us,” Toni smirks before shoving Howard away from her, onto the loveseat. 

Mary Ellen comes out of the bedroom with tears on her face, throwing her arms around Toni. 

“You little eavesdropper!” Toni accuses, cradling Mary Ellen and rubbing her back.

“I’m sad too!” Mary Ellen whispers, clenching harder around Toni.

Toni smiles weakly, but can’t help the small laugh that bubbles up. That small laugh soon grows into a belly laugh, head thrown back and clinging to Mary Ellen so as not to fall down.

“What?” Mary Ellen asks, laughing weakly with Toni, who is making an effort to control herself.

“We’re just… absolutely ridiculous. Positively bonkers. Impossibly melodramatic.” Toni explains through her chuckles.

Mary Ellen’s laughs pick up, and soon both her and Toni are practically rolling on the floor. 

Once they’ve calmed down to breathless chuckles, Toni shakes her head.

“Sisters?” She holds out a hand.

Mary Ellen beams, grabbing Toni’s hand. “Sisters.” She squeals and dances to the loveseat, plopping herself next to Howard, who had given the two that time to… melt down just the tiniest bit. 

Howard immediately laces their fingers together, kissing her cheek.

Mary Ellen blushes, but leans into it, a pleased little smile on her face. 

“Ugh, I take it back, you’re much,  _ much _ grosser than Baby Blues and I,” Toni groans, a disgusted frown on her face. 

“Impossible,” Mary Ellen disagrees, playful smile blooming quickly. 

“Agreed,” Howard kisses Mary Ellen’s cheek again, and she giggles. 

“Oh fuck off with that shit, Jesus,” She mutters to herself, gathering the boys’ gifts and going to her bedroom to work on her schematics and leave the new couple to their love fest.

“You know you love us!” She hears Mary Ellen call from the living room just before she can shut the bedroom door. 

“Unfortunately! Don’t defile that loveseat!”

* * *

“Don’t be so nervous, honey, they’ll love your gifts,” Mary Ellen assures Toni, who is pacing their living room and avoiding the fact that she should have left five minutes ago. 

“Yeah, okay, but what if they don’t?” Toni paces faster, hands beginning to join the conversation, too. “What if Steve takes offense to Bucky’s gift? You  _ know _ he has insecurities about being slight. Is it rubbing Bucky’s physique in his face, making him the trophy? And what about the drawings? They aren’t the best, he’ll hate them, for sure! And that god-awful song, what was I thinking? Oh, Jesus, is this what death feels like? I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!” Toni paces to the loveseat where Mary Ellen and Howard are lounging, laughing at Toni’s panic. Or at least, had been laughing. Howard is now wide-eyed, mouth hanging open, and staring at Toni. 

“You… you wrote him a song?”

And doesn’t that grind Toni to a halt real fast. 

“Like Mother used to for Father?” Howard persists, standing and approaching Toni, who had stopped next to the kitchen. 

She swallows heavily, but meets Howard’s eyes steadily. “Yes. I mean, it’s nowhere near as beautiful as what Mama could write up, but it’s true to the heart.”

“Wow,” Howard breathes, a small smile clawing its way onto his face. “I’m glad you’re keeping it alive, Annie.” Howard grabs her up in a hug, and Toni melts into him, glad for his acceptance.

“Could we hear it sometime, Toni?” Mary Ellen joins them, usual sunshine smile beaming from her face.

“No, I don’t think so, Tootsie Pop. It’s private… and embarrassing. Yeah, no, it’s for Baby Blues and Baby Blues only,” Toni smiles apologetically. 

“Hmm. Then you’ll have to write one we are allowed to hear one day. Now,  _ you _ are going to be late, dear Toni,” Mary Ellen croons, walking to their closet and whipping out Toni’s winter coat and hat. 

Toni nearly clams up again, but shakes her head. She doesn’t want to be late, so she pulls the coat on over her boot-tucked jeans and Christmas sweater. The hat fits snugly around her curls, but she keeps it anyway because Steve had told her once that the cobalt blue brought out the copper flecks in her eyes. She grabs the two boxes and rushes out the door, shouting her love over her shoulder.

Once she hits the street, she hails a taxi and gives the driver Steve and Bucky’s address. The driver makes polite conversation with Toni, but she’s too distracted to give any genuine answers. When they pull up to the apartment, Toni pays the driver and thanks him for the drive.

The building is run down, but so is Toni’s. She takes a shuddering breath before striding through the front door and straight up the stairs, not stopping until she’s reached the second door on the third floor. Controlling her breaths is harder than it should have been, but she is eventually able to steady them enough to muster the bravado required to knock on their door.

There’s muffled movement on the other side of the door and then there’s Steve. His cheeks are pink and his hair is shining golden, framed by the light behind him like the angel he is. His smile melts Toni’s insecurities and doubts away until her smile matches his. 

“Toni! Hey, let me get those, come in, come in!” Steve rushes forward, pecking her cheek as he takes the presents from her arms and backs away so she can enter. 

“Hey Baby Blues. You’re looking particularly good today. Get dressed up for me?” And he did, too. His pants are well fitted, hugging his form nicely. His sweater is patterned above the nice button down he wears, also accentuating the grace with which his body is blessed. 

“You know it, Freckles,” Steve winks as he sets the presents onto their dining table. 

“No, no, don’t you two start! This is going to be a nice dinner, and I will  _ not _ be third wheeling in my own home!” Bucky exits the bedroom, looking handsome in his own sweater and pants. He’s clearly amused by their flirting. 

“Aw, but you make it look so easy, Buckaroo!” Toni smiles, moving forward to hug Bucky. 

He hugs her and chuckles. “With you two, it is,” he pulls away smirking. 

Toni laughs too, knowing it’s true. She takes off her coat and hat and hands it to Bucky so he can put them in the corner closet. 

“Shut up and put these away, would ya?” She smiles. 

“Yes, your highness,” Bucky sasses. 

Toni simply rolls her eyes. 

Steve approaches and Toni smiles before moving forward to pull him into a tight hug.

“Mmm, how ya doin’ today, B.B.?” She stoops down enough to nuzzle into his neck, discreetly inhaling his warm scent.

Steve hugs her back just as tightly, smiling into her shoulder. “I’m doing great today, Sweetheart. How about you? How was your Christmas?”

“Not too bad. Howie gave me a book on robotics he bought in California. It’s terribly fascinating!” Toni shifts away and pulls Steve to join Bucky on the couch. “How about you boys, huh? How was your family, Buckaroo?”

“They were good. The kids have gotten so much bigger. Tommy just got his first job outta school. Pearl just broke up with her boyfriend, thank  _ God _ . And Hazel is actually quite interested in science and would like to meet you sometime,” Bucky finishes talking about his siblings, eyebrows raised at Toni in question. 

“I’d love to talk to her! It takes a lot of encouragement to pursue science as a female. I’d be happy to provide such encouragement,” Toni smiles at Bucky, whose grin turn wolfish. 

“Great. Ma would love to meet you as well. She’s dying to meet the girl who snatched Stevie here up so thoroughly.” He elbows Steve lightly. 

Steve turns red, but smiles anyway. 

“Oo, talkin’ about me, Sweet Thang?” Toni props her chin on her fingers and flutters her eyelashes at her fella. 

“Sweet Thang?” Bucky breaks in hesitantly, confused and clearly scared of the answer.

“I am referring to his delectable ass, James.” Toni deadpans, keeping her expression as flat as her voice. 

Both of the men choke on their saliva. Bucky comes out of it laughing, the same boisterous, head-thrown back belly laugh he achieves when he’s caught by surprise. Steve doesn’t come out so well, still choking and gasping for breath.

“Sorry Baby Blues, but it’s true.” Toni rubs his back and presses a kiss to his cheek. 

“ _ wheeze _ Oh my God, oh jeeze,  _ wheeze _ Stevie, you gotta marry her! Please, she  _ wheeze _ needs to be in my life forever,” Bucky wheezes, beginning his recovery. 

Steve, who has controlled his breathing by now, but is still dark red, hums, hugging Toni and shaking his head against her hair. “You’re crazy, Doll.”

“Overall? Maybe. For you? Abso-fuckin’-lutely.” Toni pulls back and pecks his lips.

“Bleh. Yeah, I’m gonna plate dinner, and you two will be sitting, ready at the table when I come out, or I swear to God,” Bucky leaves the threat hanging, pointing between the two of them with raised eyebrows. 

“Yessir,” Toni mock salutes, smirking at her friend. 

He rolls his eyes with an easy smile, turning into the kitchen. 

“C’mon, Baby Blues. We better sit, or I think Buckaroo might walk out on us.” Toni stands, pulling Steve with her. 

Steve laughs, a wicked gleam in his eyes. He pulls Toni in for a hug, sliding one of his hands down to rest on her ass. He kisses her heatedly, squeezing lightly at her ass. He leans into her ear and whispers, “and you think  _ I _ have a delectable ass? Hmm,” before pulling completely away with a smirk, leaving her in favor of the dining table. 

Toni simply stands for a moment, worried she’s about to have a heart attack. Her and Steve had shared many a heated kiss and quite a few glorious makeout sessions, but neither were in a rush with their relationship. Not like that, at least. This, though… 

_ I am going to d e v o u r him _ .

“Toni! Get your ass in a chair right now, or you don’t get any ham!” Bucky’s voice calls from the kitchen, making Toni jump. 

“O-on it Buck!” Toni calls back, scurrying to the chair next to Steve. He’s watching her with fire in his eyes, but the smile on his face is soft. 

Toni’s fire is stoked by those eyes, but the smile smothers it into a glowing ember. 

_ Okay, I’ll devour him slowly and passionately. _

“Alright, folks, let’s get this dinner going!” Bucky comes out, a plate in each hand and a wide smile on his face. 

Toni bursts out laughing, all lust leaving her body. Steve joins a moment later. Not at the food, no, but at Bucky’s frilly, flowered apron that he seems to be wearing with pride. 

“Aye! Hazel made this for me for Christmas, brat! It’s a damn work’a art!” Bucky points at Toni after placing a plate stacked high with food in front of her. 

“Yes, Bucka- heehee- Buckaroo, you l-look magnificent,” Toni laughs through the sentence, smile so wide her cheeks hurt. 

“Damn right,” he nods before grinning and striding to the kitchen for his own plate. He returns sans apron, much to Toni and Steve’s disappointment. 

They eat for a few minutes, exchanging in-depth updates on their families. 

It’s Toni’s turn.

“So I actually have some news,” Toni announces, smile genuine.

“Oh?” Steve and Bucky perk to attention.

“Yep. In a turn of events that should not have surprised me at all, but still caught me off guard, Sunshine is moving to Manhattan so her and Howard can finally try to be in a relationship,” Toni finishes, a matter-of-fact smile on her face. 

“Oh? That’s good for them. I didn’t realize they liked each other that much,” Steve comments, thoughtful frown tilting his head back and to the side. 

“Please. I’ve only been in the same room as botha them once, and they’re ‘bout as obvious as you two,” Bucky nods at Steve and Toni, a grin on his face. 

“That’s what I said!” Toni agrees, nodding enthusiastically at Steve.

“That kinda sucks for you, though. How are you handling it?” Steve focuses back on Toni after rolling his eyes at Bucky.

“Not too well at first. But I’m good now. I’m sad, but I’m also happy. She’ll be my best friend no matter where she is,” Toni says firmly, her earnest shining in her voice.

Steve smiles proudly at Toni. “When is she moving?”

Toni inhales deeply, answering on her exhale. “A couple of weeks. Might move to California, too, if things are going well.”

“Damn. That’s soon,” Bucky comments, surprised. 

“Yeah, I think they’ve been planning it out for a while,” Toni shrugs.

“Well… I’m sorry. Are you going to look for another roommate?” Steve asks.

“Um,” Toni is caught by surprise, “I haven’t considered it, actually… I don’t  _ need _ a roommate to pay rent. Lenny is over often enough that I won’t have to worry about being lonely…” Toni flops her head side to side a couple of times before shrugging. “Probably not.”

“So you’ll have an apartment all to yourself…” Toni is confused by Bucky’s stating of the obvious until he begins wagging his eyebrows at Steve and Toni. 

Steve and Toni meet eyes, both studying the other. Toni starts to smirk and Steve lightly blushes. 

“Good point, Buck,” Toni compliments, twitching her eyebrows up with a suggestive grin. 

Bucky smirks in response. 

“I wish you two never woulda met,” Steve sighs, eating his food exasperatedly.

“What ever could you mean, my dear Baby Blues?” Toni asks with exaggerated innocence, a coy smile on her face.

“Yeah, Stevie, don’t you want me and your gal to get along?” Bucky’s smirk growing into a roguish simper. 

“You encourage each other, it’s frankly painful to watch” Steve mockingly frowns.

“Umm, why wouldn’t we encourage each other? We’re awesome.” Bucky holds his hand out for a high five that Toni meets, neither of them looking. 

“I just want peace,” Steve despairs, eyes turned heavenward. 

“Too bad,” Toni’s smile is perky as she leans over to kiss Steve’s cheek. 

Bucky laughs while Steve smiles at the both of them. 

As they eat and the humor fades, they relax into casual conversation. They smile and joke and exchange anecdotes for what feels like hours.

“Continuing on from earlier, my Ma would love to meet ya, Toni,” Bucky says, a warm smile gracing his face.

“It’d be lovely to meet her! Winnie, you said?” Toni asks, smiling into the conversation. 

“Yes. She’s mighty curious after Stevie here spent all three days talkin’ everyone's ear off aboutcha.” Bucky grins, but Toni appreciates how genuinely happy his eyes are. 

He’s happy his brother finally found someone to love him. 

“I can’t even claim it’s a lie,” Steve sighs, a somewhat embarrassed smile quirking onto his face. 

“Don’t worry, Baby Blues, I rarely have a conversation without mentioning you anymore,” Toni admits, her smile reassuring. 

A comfortable silence falls over the table, everyone focusing on their food for a bit. The Christmas music that had been softly playing from the radio in the corner fades out and an update on the war in Europe spoils the jaunty tunes. Toni gets up, quick as lightning, and shuts the radio off before the radio host can get too far past the word ‘Hitler’.

“So, are you not following what’s happening in Europe?” Bucky asks, eyes hard.

Steve makes a disgruntled noise, brows furrowed in anger as he chews. 

Toni sighs, anger flowing through her own veins at the mention of it. “On the contrary, I’m following it closely. It’s fucking disgusting. I’m just not in the mood. We’re celebrating Christmas right now, we don’t need to be hearing about the war in Europe.” 

“Britain ain’t doin’ jackshit. Why did they bother declaring war if they’re not gonna do anything?” Bucky’s clearly frustrated, nostrils flared in his anger as he ignores Toni’s wish to  _ not _ talk about it. 

“France isn’t doin’ much else, either,” Steve adds, a scowl twisting his mouth, “It’ll only be so long until America joins.”

Toni sighs heavily, hearty holiday appetite shot.

_ Great. Now we’re talking about the war and they’re both upset.  _

“When we do join, we’ll get shit done. Hitler won’t know what’s comin’,” Bucky declares, sharing a firm nod with Steve.

Toni gets the feeling they’ve had this conversation many times, but she understands. 

“You guys enlisting if it comes to that?” Toni asks, dread filling her chest like lead, already knowing the answer. 

“Yes,” Steve verbalizes, though both men are nodding their heads, grim sets to their mouths. 

This is precisely why she didn’t want to talk about the war. 

Toni looks at her plate and sucks in a deep breath, eyes closing to control herself. She sighs her exhale, eyes opening to meet theirs, a weak smile pulling her lips.

“I expected no less from my boys. I sincerely hope it doesn’t get that far, but the Army couldn’t find two better men.” 

They both smile sadly, and Toni stands, grabbing them up into a group hug. 

“Okay, okay,” Bucky’s voice is gentle as he disengages, “We aren’t off to war yet, brat, no need to say our goodbyes.”

Toni laughs, clutching at Steve, who has yet to leave her embrace. If her laugh is a little wet, no one mentions it. 

Bucky takes this opportunity to gather the plates, giving Steve and Toni a moment to gather themselves. 

“You really think they would take me?” Steve’s voice is small, muffled by her neck, where Steve had been quick to tuck himself. 

“They’d be idiots not to, Steve,” Toni whispers, curling around him as best as she can. “You’re brave, you’re tenacious, and you have the tactical mind of a war general. As much as I hate to say it, you were kind of made for defending our country.”

Steve pulls away from her, leaning up to kiss her quickly. “Thank you for saying that, Toni, but I doubt they’d take me. My list of illnesses, past and present, is extensive,” Steve’s voice is dejected, his eyes falling in shame. 

“I’m sorry, but where’d my fella just go? It sounds like you just gave up, and that’s not something my fella would do. Have you seen him? He’s about this height,” Toni holds up a hand next to Steve’s head, earning a reluctant chuckle from him, “soft blonde hair, baby blue eyes, a smile that could make a girl faint, and an ass that could do much worse than that.” Toni grins when Steve laughs genuinely, successfully cheered up.

After a few moments of laughter, though, Toni needs to reassure her fella.“You’re already a hero, Steve. Every minute of every day. Every second you’re breathing, America has her defender… Knowing you, you won’t take no for an answer. And you shouldn’t, either. Never settle for less. Not if it’s something you care about.”

Steve meets Toni’s eyes and studies her for a few moments. Toni keeps her eyes steady, her earnest readily showing. Steve breathes deep once, nodding firmly in reply. 

Toni smiles sadly, leaning forward and pecking his lips. “I hope to God it never escalates that much, though. Even if you’re made for it, I don’t actually want you anywhere  _ near _ a war.”

Steve smiles sadly in response, “I also hope it doesn’t come to it. I hope France and Britain crush Germany, but based on the lack of activity, I wouldn’t count on it. If it takes America to end Hitler’s atrocities, then it’s America he’ll get.” His eyes are hard, bright with the fire Toni first saw in the diner. 

Never before has the presence of that fire scared her, but in this moment, the consequences of its burn terrify her.

She bites hard into her bottom lip to fight the wave of terror crashing over her, and Steve seems to understand that she’s done with this conversation.

“Now,” he says, forcibly perking up, “I think Winnie sent us home with some apple pie, let’s go see if that’s true.”

Toni laughs weakly and lets herself be pulled into the kitchen. 

_ Thank God that’s over. _

“Buck! Any apple pie left?” Steve asks Bucky, eyebrows shooting up when the response he gets is a snort. 

“Oh, please! Gifts first, then dessert,” Bucky demands, turning them both around and shoving them toward the couch. 

“Since when?” Steve demands, face incredulous.

“Since Toni walked in with a giant, heavy box labeled ‘Buckaroo’,” Bucky grins, turning back around to bring multiple boxes into the living room, Toni’s gifts to the boys on top.

“Mm, I don’t know, Buckaroo,” Toni hedges, embarrassed discomfort twisting her mouth, “When it comes time to give Baby Blues his gift, I’ll need some privacy. You’ll have to skedaddle for a bit.”

“Oh?” Bucky’s eyebrows waggle, and he bites his lip in a ridiculous tease. 

“Not like that, ya perv!” Toni protests, amused exasperation coloring her voice, “Besides, why would we do that with you on the back burner when I’ll live by myself soon?” Toni bites her bottom lip mock sexily turning hot eyes on Steve.

It pulls a laugh from Bucky. “Alright, alright, I’ll get outta here as soon as I give you your gift!” Bucky grabs a medium sized, blue-wrapped box off the ground and gives it to Toni, voice giddy.

“Buck, you don’t have to leave! I just need the room, not the apartment!” Toni exclaims, guilt immediately gnawing at her stomach.

“Nah, Stevie here also asked for privacy when he gives his gift, so I’ll just head out for a walk or somethin’,” Bucky smiles, ignoring Steve’s light squeaking noise, “Now, open!”

His enthusiasm amuses and warms Toni, who can’t keep her affectionate laugh to herself. 

“Arlight! Yeesh,” Toni mutters, turning to her gift with a smile, no hesitation as she calmly tears the paper away. Once she opens the small box, Toni, once again, can’t control the laugh that launches from her mouth. 

In the box sits a cushy looking pair of boxing gloves, black with gold threading. Across the curl of the fingers, in gold lettering, one glove reads “knuckle” while the other reads “protection”. 

Toni is quick to slip them on, playfully punching at Steve, who is laughing next to her. She stands and throws her arms around Bucky in a tight hug, laughing into his shoulder. 

“Thanks, Buckaroo, I’ll think of you every time I knock someone out,” she grins, pulling back to punch his shoulder. 

“I would expect no less from you,” Bucky grins, bringing his hands up in a playful boxing defense. 

“Your turn!” Toni chirps, pulling the gloves off and setting them back in the box. She strains with her legs as she lifts Bucky’s gift, dumping it on his lap with a large smirk. 

“Hell yeah!” he exclaims and begins tearing into the paper. 

Toni sits back down next to Steve, who puts an arm around her and rolls his eyes affectionately in Bucky’s direction. 

Bucky opens the box and pulls the trophy out, eyebrows furrowed until he takes in his own figure celebrating at the top. His eyes widen in surprise, but his laughter is deep and loud when he reads the inscription on the base.

He’s quick to stand and plop himself back down on the other side of Steve, showing him what’s written there. Steve laughs a bit, but he’s mostly in awe of the trophy.

“How did you make this, Toni?” he breathes out, eyes wide.

Toni smiles at Steve, burrowing a bit into his side. “I visited Howard at his labs in Manhattan and used his blacksmithing station to melt down the silver. From then on, I commissioned an artist to sculpt Buckaroo out, since I’m  _ not _ a sculptor. I did engrave it myself, though!” Toni smiles proudly, eyes bright. 

“It’s beautiful.” Steve kisses her head.

“Very! Thank you, Toni, I’ll have to show this off every chance I get,” Bucky laughs, pulling Toni from the couch to hug her. “Now, I’m goin’ ta get outta here. Don’t expect me back for a while, alright?” Bucky stands and walks the trophy to his bedroom before slipping his coat on. 

“See ya later. Behave, no sex on my bed!” Bucky walks out the door before either can respond to him. 

Steve just sighs as Toni laughs. Once she gets over her laughter, the apartment falls silent. Toni turns to Steve, eyes a bit big.

“Can… can you go first?” Toni asks Steve, biting her lip. “I’m afraid if you don’t open your gift right now, I’ll be too nervous to properly give it to you.”

Steve frowns lightly in confusion, but quickly replaces it with an assuring smile. “Of course, honey, and I’ll love anything you have to give me.”

“Okay,” Toni breathes out, standing and grabbing the red present, delicately handing it to Steve before she collapses next to him. 

Steve ignores the present for a minute in favor of gently pulling Toni to him and kissing her softly. “Don’t be so nervous, Sweetheart. No matter what’s in this box, I’ll love it.”

_ You can’t be sure of that. _

Toni just nods nervously, none of the tension leaving her shoulders. Seeing that he wouldn’t be able to reassure her with only his words, Steve kisses her forehead before unfolding the paper from the box. 

He pulls the various kits and sketchbook out, eyes widening considerably. “Toni, these are very high-end…”

He turns his wide eyes on her, seemingly panicking.

“Yes, they are very nice. I know how much being an artist means to you, and I want you to be able to draw in luxury. That’s… that’s not what I’m nervous about, though.” Toni gulps.

Steve looks up from where he’d been thumbing slowly through the different charcoals, pastels, graphites, and erasers. His brows pull together in question. 

Toni can only bring herself to nod to the sketchbook. 

Steve sets his new tools down and picks the sketchbook up from his lap. He opens to the first page and his breath catches. 

“Is this… did you…?” Steve leaves his question dangling, trembling as he strokes a finger down the charcoal portrait, eyes catching and lingering on the words “Baby Blues” along the bottom. 

“I… I asked Bucky to show me some basic drawing skills a couple weeks ago. I practiced until I could piece together a decent picture… This is when we first… encountered each other in the diner. I fell onto you and I was  _ mortified _ ,” Toni laughs lightly, if not a bit hysterically.

“I was a mess. I had just gotten off work, still in my coveralls and work boots, covered in grease. It got on your white shirt, and I kept rubbing at your chest, only making the stain worse. I heard you say something, but you didn’t truly catch my attention until you grabbed my wrists. I looked into your eyes and I was… lost. Found. Both, really. I was enchanted. I acted like an idiot…” Toni huffs out another laugh, smiling at her lap as she relives the night. 

“I was a trainwreck the entire following week, up until about ten minutes into our first date. I was  _ so _ conflicted. You were all I could think about. It baffled me for the first few days. I interacted with you for, what, two minutes? And it felt like you fucking  _ owned _ me. After a couple of days, I just got angry. At myself. At the situation. Not really at you, though. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t try to seek you out, that I had to get over you. You scared me… you were dangerous. I knew nothing about you, but you could destroy me with one word.” Toni shook her head, a grimace on her face. “Still could, really. But this, this moment… you caught me. A willing captive.”

She finally looks up and meets Steve’s eyes, who had long since set the book back down in favor of smiling softly at Toni. 

“I remember everything about that night in great detail. I had also gotten off work, and Bucky insisted we go see Mary Ellen. Before we left, I had to use the restroom. I walked out and you backed right into me. I hadn’t realized what happened at first. I just found myself lost in a world of brown curls, surrounding my face,” he smiles and laughs, “you smelled  _ amazing _ . Then you tugged me up and kept your face tucked down as you pawed at me,” Steve laughs again and dodges away when Toni huffs and playfully smacks at his arm. “After I tried to calm you down, you looked up and I was… gone. Your freckles might be the cutest thing in existence. And your eyes… I’d never seen eyes as expressive as yours. So big, such a warm brown. The flecks of copper seemed to glow like the embers of a fire, and I couldn’t… I wanted you to stop worrying. No one as beautiful as you should ever be so frantic…”

Toni sits stock still, eyes wide as she gets Steve’s version of events. 

“I was also a trainwreck the following week, but in a different way. The opposite, really. I  _ had _ to see you again. I went back to the diner every night, hoping you’d be there. I thought about you constantly, I drew you at least fifteen different times, I couldn’t… I couldn’t walk away from it, from  _ you _ . Then Bucky came home one day and said that we had a double date with you and Mary Ellen and I swear I died that night.” Steve’s warm smile twists Toni’s stomach into knots.

_ God, I am so in love with him _ . 

“Say, if you were so dead set against ever seeing me again, how’d you end up on a date with me? Mary Ellen is a strong gal, but you don’t do what you don’t want to do,” Steve asks, turning bodily toward Toni, eyebrows raised curiously. 

“Trickery.” Toni meets Steve’s eyes with a wide smile. “She told me we were going on a double date with two men named James and Steve. At this point, I only knew you as Baby Blues and I only knew Bucky as, well, Bucky. I convinced myself to go so I could forget about you. Imagine my surprise when it was you, standing at that table looking like an angel. After a mini meltdown in the powder room, I decided to take the risk. Best damn decision I ever made.” Toni kisses Steve, turning the page of the sketchbook to the second drawing. 

She looks down, leading Steve’s attention to the drawing. His breath catches again, hands flying to the sketchbook. 

“So I gave us a chance. Before that night, I knew you would be someone to me if I ever saw you again. I was so unbelievably attracted to you. But I didn’t know you yet. As the night progressed, I felt accepted in a big way for the first time in my life. Not only did you not mind… me, but you  _ liked _ me. And you are, well, everything. I already knew you were handsome and polite, but you turned out to be kind and intelligent and funny. This moment, on the park bench, this is the moment,” Toni takes another deep breath, flashing back to the night and summoning all of her courage, expelling it the same way she did then, “this is the moment I fell in love with you.” 

Steve’s head whips to Toni, gasp breathy and eyes wide. He seems to be in shock. 

So, naturally, Toni panics. 

“I know that it’s probably way too soon to say it, and you don’t have to say it back, Steve, but dammit, I couldn’t keep it in for another moment. I love you. I am  _ in love with you _ . You are everything that is right about this world. You make me want to be different, better. You don’t even have to be with me for me to want to be better! Sometimes I just think of you and make the better choice just because I know you would want it that way. I miss you when I’m not with you, I sleep better knowing exactly when I’ll next be seeing you. I long for the day I get to wake up next to you, that I get to call you mine as much as you can already call me yours. I’m just-” Toni cuts her own babbling off when Steve’s hand gently caresses over her own. She meets his eyes, which are clouded with unwept tears, and finishes her thought, “I’m just so in love you, Steven Grant Rogers,” she breathes. 

Steve’s breath seems to catch once more. He blinks rapidly to banish the tears in his eyes, but a couple still escape. He ignores them, reaching up a hand to cradle Toni’s cheek. His fingers curl to caress her face, her ear, her neck. His blue eyes swim under the glassy coating, making his eyes two caribbean seas staring straight back at her. 

“Antoinette Alice Stark,” he breathes out once he catches his breath. His deep voice is throaty, but Toni’s never heard anything more beautiful, “the love of my life.”

_ … oh…  _

Toni comes back to herself straddling Steve, locked in a passionate embrace. They’re both crying and laughing into the sloppy kiss, but they’ve never been happier. She pulls back and rests her forehead against his, both panting into the space between them. It’s hot and humid, but Toni and Steve both embrace it, relish in it.

“I love you so much,” Steve whispers once their breathing is under control and they’re just resting against each other, soaking in the love. 

“No take backs,” Toni calls, accompanied by her wet chuckle.

Steve just laughs and agrees, “No take backs,” and leans in to kiss Toni gently, lovingly. 

She smiles into the kiss before melting into him completely, pressing her face into his neck and, not so discreetly this time, inhaling his scent. His hands caress up and down her back, completely relaxed under her weight. 

After what feels like hours, but is actually about half an hour, Toni pulls back slightly and smiles sheepishly at Steve. 

“There’s actually, uh, one more thing. In the sketch book. For you,” she says haltingly, an anxious flush crawling up her neck. 

“Oh?” Steve smiles encouragingly, sitting back up when Toni climbs down off of him and picks up the sketch book. “Those drawings are beautiful, by the way. I thought you said you didn’t have the artistic filter, hm?” he teases her, trying to ease her embarrassment. 

“Like I said, you make me better, Baby Blues. It’s easy to put my feelings for you in colors and strokes. This is how I see you all the time. It’s only for you, though. I tried to draw so many other things and people, but you’re the only one I could ever actually complete. Despite that, it’s harder to put my feelings for you into words. Good words, at least…” Toni takes a deep breath and sets the sketch book on Steve’s lap. He lingers on the drawings, admiring them before finally flipping to her song for him. “Remember when I told you about my Mama writing songs? Well, she wrote them about my Papa. Love songs. Beautiful, deep, grand. I… I tried my hand at it. It’s not sophisticated or anywhere near as emotional as that whole rambling speech earlier was, but these are the constant thoughts running through my head when I see you, Baby Blues.” 

Toni stands back from Steve, letting him read the words. Before he can get more than a few words in, Toni starts singing in her high, soft voice.

_ You walked in, caught my attention _

Steve’s head whips back up, staring at Toni with wide, awed eyes. 

_ I’ve never seen a man with so much dimension _

_ It’s the way you walk, the way you talk _

_ The way you make me feel inside _

_ It’s in your smile, it’s in your eyes _

_ I don’t want to wait for tonight, so I’m _

_ Daydreamin’ _

_ With my chin in the palm of my hands _

_ About you _

_ You, and only you _

Toni smiles as she sings, dancing around lightly as she sings through her feelings. 

_ Got me _

_ Daydreamin’ _

_ With my chin in the palm of my hands _

_ About you _

_ You, and only you _

_ Baby you, for you, for you, for you _

Toni twirls to Steve, caressing his face in her hands as she sings “for you”. He smiles dopily into her hands, laughter and love shining in his eyes. 

_ Now I can’t wait to hold you in my arms _

_ I know I was made for you _

_ I’m in love with all of your charm _

She smacks a kiss onto kis cheek.

_ It’s the way you walk, the way you talk _

_ The way you make me feel inside _

_ It’s in you smile, it’s in your eyes _

_ I don’t want to wait for tonight, so I’m _

_ Daydreamin’ _

_ With my chin in the palm of my hands _

_ About you _

_ You, and only you _

_ Got me _

_ Daydreamin’  _

_ With my chin in the palm of my hands _

Toni lays on her stomach facing the couch, perching her chin in her palm and fluttering her eyelashes as she sings, voice much more confident as Steve seems to be enjoying her show.

_ About you _

_ You, and only you _

_ But I want you _

_ Got to have you _

_ And I need you _

_ Like I never have loved you before _

_ So I’m _

_ Daydreamin’ _

_ With my chin in the palm of my hands _

_ About you _

_ You, and only you _

_ Got me _

_ Daydreamin’ _

_ With my chin in the palm of my hands  _

Toni straddles Steve and places her arms around his neck, smiling and singing softly once more. His hands come up to her hips, thumbs rubbing circles into her hip bones.

_ About you _

_ You, and only you _

_ Baby you, for you, for you, for you _

Toni ends the song connecting their foreheads, whispering the lyrics by the ending line. 

“Silly, but accurate,” Toni smiles, kissing Steve lightly. When she goes to pull away, however, he holds her to him, deepening their kiss.

His grip on her hips tighten, dragging her flush to him. He lets their kiss go in favor of kissing softly up and down her neck. He pecks up to her ear, stopping to whisper to her. “Not silly at all. I didn’t think it was possible for me to love you any more than I already did, but you just proved me wrong. God,  _ Toni _ . I love you so much.”

“I bet I love you more,” Toni grins, leaning away to pepper his face with kisses, laughing when he laughs. 

“Unlikely.” He kisses her softly. “Well, my dear, you asked me earlier if I remember that your Mama wrote songs. And I did. When you spoke about it, you were so nostalgic, and I wanted to give it back to you, that feeling of contentment.” Steve moves to stand, so Toni scrambles off his lap, hoping what she thinks is about to happen, happens. “So, I wrote a song for you. It’s not particularly long, but I think it covers my bases pretty well,” he smiles and leans down to lightly kiss Toni.

Steve begins to sing, his deep voice reaching surprisingly high, firmly affectionate. Toni is in awe, watching his eyes close as he summons his music for her. 

_ You fill up my senses like a night in the forest, _

_ like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain, _

He opens his eyes once he’s begun the song, smiling softly through his similes of love. Toni is only swooning a little bit, okay?

_ like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean. _

_ You fill up my senses, come fill me again. _

_ Come let me love you, let me give my life to you, _

Toni’s eyes fill with tears, and Steve strokes a knuckle down her cheek. He grabs her hand and pulls her up, drawing her into him and resting her head on his shoulder. He gently sways with her, singing softly.

_ let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms, _

_ let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you. _

_ Come let me love you, come love me again. _

_ You fill up my senses like a night in the forest, _

_ like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain, _

_ like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean. _

_ You fill up my senses, come fill me again. _

Steve stops singing, but continues swaying with a peaceful Toni in his arms.

“That’s the kind of song I  _ wanted _ to write for you, but I guess you’re just more talented than I,” Toni pulls back and smiles as she jokes before taking in a shuddering breath. “I love you, Steve. More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. Thank you. For writing such a lovely song, and for trying- and succeeding- to help me remember the beauty in a home-written, personal love song.”

“It’s nothing less than what your deserve, Sweetheart.” Steve kisses her once more before pulling back, heading for the box Toni had forgotten existed. “That’s not, however, my only gift for you.”

“More?! But that song was the most goddamn beautiful thing I’ve ever heard! It was more than enough, Baby Blues!” Toni protests.

“Honey, you wrote a song, drew two pictures for me, and bought me the most expensive art supplies up for commercial sale… I think it’s okay that I didn’t just get you a song,” Steve is amused as he nudges Toni into sitting on the couch before sitting next to her and placing the small box on her lap. “Now, open!”

Toni rolls her eyes affectionately but tears into the silver wrapping anyway. The box opens to reveal a small circular box. She opens the circular box to a medium sized locket that would fit nicely in the hollow of her neck. The front of it has a small design of a bouquet of roses, and the locket seems to be made of iron.

Toni grins and opens the locket. The left half is engraved with the words “Shit, fuck, oh my God, I am so sorry” while the right side has some sort of black and white material.

_ Oh my holy, fucking God. _

“Is this- dear mother Mary of God- is this the first thing I said to you?” Toni is laughing, not having remembered that little tidbit of information until now. 

“Yup! You say you fell in love with me on the bench during our first date? I fell in love with you the moment you cussed like a sailor. The material is a bit of the shirt you stained,” Steve smiles, wrapping an arm around Toni and leaning back as he crosses his legs. 

“Mmm,” Toni hums as she kisses him, a smile still on her face, “How can a gift be so romantic and so mocking all at once?” She asks, her smile quirking into a smirk. 

“Oh, that’s easy to achieve when you’re in love with one Antoinette Alice Stark,” Steve smiles and they settle back into the couch, content to be in each other’s presence. 

An hour passes before Bucky re-enters the apartment, snow melting on his head and shoulders.

“You saps get your special gooey time in?” he asks, smirking when they both laugh.

“Yeah, Buck, we got our special gooey time in,” Steve confirms, not minding his best friend’s needling.

“Thank  _ God _ because my Ma’s apple pie has been calling my name all night!”

* * *

Howard says goodbye the next day, holding onto Toni tightly, knowing it will be a while before he sees her again.

“You ever gonna let me see those robot schematics, Annie?” he puts off his departure, Toni still trapped in his hug.

“Not until I like them,” Toni denies. 

Howard huffs and pulls back, mockingly distraught. “You told me you’d show them to me months ago! Why’d you change your mind?”

“Well, we both forgot about that months ago. Since then, they’ve changed so much… I’m just not ready for the reveal, yet,” Annie shrugs, a nonchalant smile on her face.

“You can’t just dangle robots in my face, Annie, that’s cruel!” Howard complains petulantly. 

“Sorry,” Toni shrugs. She turns to Mary Ellen, who had been standing in the doorway with an amused smile as she watched them, and whispers loudly, “No I’m not.”

“Brat,” he smacks her shoulder. 

“True. Now, you have to go, Howie. Your car has been waiting for twenty minutes already.” Toni smiles sadly, stepping forward to pull him into another tight hug.

“See you later, Big Brother.”

“Love you, Annie.”

“Love you too.”

Howard steps back and smiles at Mary Ellen, kissing and hugging her one more time. “January 12th?”

“January 12th,” she smiles, kissing his cheek before pushing him away.

_ Fucking gross. _

* * *

“Excuse me?” Toni recoils from Lenny, frown indignant. “How dare you! It’s entirely possible for me to meet and seduce Frank Sinatra, you ass!” 

It’s the last night before Mary Ellen moves to Manhattan, and the three girls are having one last sleepover. 

“Keep dreamin’ Toni!” Mary Ellen cuts in, “Beside, like you could ever leave Steve.”

“True, they’re gonna get married and have beautiful brown haired, blue-eyed babies,” Lenny agrees with Mary Ellen, grin wide.

“No! Our children are going to get his hair  _ and _ his eyes,” Toni argues, completely serious. 

“Mmhm, and what will their names be?” Mary Ellen asks, hiding her giggles and elbowing Lenny while Toni shifts into her “Steve State of Mind”.

“Joseph Howard and Sarah Sunny. Backups are Walter James and Eleanor Alice,” Toni’s eyes are unfocused and there’s an unbearably soft smile playing at her lips. 

Lenny and Mary Ellen’s giggling ceases and they stare at Toni in amazement. 

“Eleanor?” Lenny squeaks at the same time Mary Ellen gasps, “Sunny?”

“Yeah,” Toni sighs, her soft smile growing dopey. 

Mary Ellen bites back her tears and tries to continue on normally. “Didn’t really think you were a kid kinda girl, Toni.”

“Family is everything, and I  _ want  _ to have a family with Steve someday. He’ll be an amazing father.” Toni’s dreamy sigh ends rather abruptly when Lenny drops down into her lap.

“You’ll be an even better mother, Toni,” Lenny’s voice is muffled into Toni’s shoulder, where her face had landed after throwing her arms around Toni. 

“I hope so. Thanks, though, Lenny,” Toni’s voice is high in surprise, but she instinctively raises her arms to wrap around the girl she considers her little sister. 

“I agree with Lenny.” Mary Ellen stands from the arm chair and doggy piles on top of Toni and Lenny. 

Lenny giggles, but Toni grunts. “Fuck, ladies, I’m still down here!” her voice is raspy and choked, but her amusement is still present on her face. 

“Oh, you love it,” Mary Ellen rolls her eyes but gets off anyway, pulling Lenny with her. 

“Correction, I love  _ you _ . So I let you and Lenny do whatever you want. But no more! I put my foot down! Lenny, you can continue doing whatever you want, but Sunshine! Rules will be much more strict around here from now on.” Toni narrows her eyes at Mary Ellen, but is unable to suppress her smile.

“Oh, thank God I’m leaving tomorrow, then. I’ll be a loose gal in Manhattan!” Mary Ellen jokes, shimmying. 

“You, pretending you weren’t a loose girl here in Brooklyn,” Lenny snorts and Toni chokes on her spit, spluttering into guffaws.

“Hey! I still would be, but Howard sunk his damned claws into me!” Mary Ellen fake pouts, crossing her arms childishly. 

“Hey, Howie was as loose as they come before he met you! Match made in heaven,” Toni lays a hand over her heart, still letting a giggle slip out every couple of words.

Mary Ellen hums happily. “That we are.”

Toni, instead of feeling disgusted as she usually would, is only warmed. 

_ God, I’m actually SO happy they found each other. _

“I call Maid of Honor!” Toni raises a hand, sticking her tongue out at Lenny.

“Hey! That’s not even on the table yet! You don’t get to call being Maid of Honor!” Lenny protests, pouting into her outrage.

“Too bad, I called it. Take note, Tootsie Pop: I’m Maid of Honor.” Toni points at Mary Ellen, whose smile has taken a turn into the watery territory. 

“Sunspot?” Toni’s worry is palpable, half standing from her chair in her concern. 

“I’m just. I’m going to miss you two  _ so much _ ,” Mary Ellen cries, prompting Lenny to reorganize their doggy pile. 

“We’ll miss you too, Mary Ellen,” Lenny curls her arms tighter around the two women.

“More than you could ever know,” Toni agrees, melting completely into the other two. 

“Sisters?” Mary Ellen asks, clutching onto the two desperately. 

“Sisters,” Lenny and Toni chorus.

“Forever,” Lenny adds.

“No matter what,” Toni nods.

The rest of the night is spent laughing and reliving memories.

Mary Ellen leaves the next morning, bright smile in stark contrast with her sad eyes. 

Toni and Lenny embrace each other as they watch her leave, sad to see her go, but happy for her nonetheless.

Toni can’t help but feel this is the end of an era she hadn’t realized she’d been living until it had come to its fruition. 

Once Lenny quietly enters her apartment, Toni enters her own. The home her apartment once was is leaving with her best friend. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, listen. So, I was going to have Toni write “At Last”. You know, the version Etta James sang, but that made me uncomfortable because I didn’t want to just,,, have Toni, a white woman, be the one to write it? I mean, I know Etta James isn’t who wrote the song, but it can’t be denied that she’s the one who made it extremely famous and I didn’t want to take that away from her. I also don’t know if Toni could muster something like that (because she’s not a super flowery person, she’s more straightforward), so the song is “Daydreamin’” by Ariana Grande. Because listen guys, I think that song is cute as hell and it’s completely true to Toni and Steve lol. It’s not really the big love admission I was initially looking for, but I decided to just give that to Toni in classic panicked babbling form. I took out some bits to make it a bit shorter and less modern (none of the stuttering or anything like that). 
> 
> Also, Steve’s song is called “Annie’s Song” by John Denver, which I think is a beautiful, short song with just the amount of flowery goodness our Stevie could write lol.
> 
> Reviews are accepted and appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, guys. I’ve only seen Endgame once, so my use of their logic, as well as my own additions to the lore, may be kinda faulty, sorry!
> 
> Chapter 2 is mostly written, so I will hopefully be getting it to you guys soon!
> 
> Reviews are accepted and appreciated!


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